So, it sure has taken me a while to grow a thicker skin as many of you Landlord‘s talk about. I always try to be nice and accommodating, and it has worked pretty well for me however, within the last year or two I have changed my tactics.

This has come about because of many more entitled people that I have experienced. The last experience I had here, I shared about a graduate student who came from out of the country, a hot country who was concerned that he would not be warm enough with the electric baseboard heat in his room. He fretted alot and even though I showed him how the heat worked, and assured him that he would be warm enough in the end, I told him he could move. In the past I would have tried to bend over backwards to assure him he would be fine. However, I’ve come to the point where I would rather nip things in the bud, rather than have a complaining tenant….Happy Clause!

He did move into a more expensive place that had electric heat! Go figure. Another example is I had a father and his college age son show up yesterday to look at a room. They live around 50 minutes away but his son has classes every day so he has to drive back-and-forth. The father wanted him in, a place close to the college. My house is one block which is a perfect fit.

Since his son will be coming home on weekends, the father asked if I would be negotiable on the rent and I said to him “sure how much more do you want to pay“. I got this, of course from this site! He laughed, I laughed, and he never mentioned it again. I held my ground and he sent his application in and his son will be moving in on Monday morning. Done! No more explaining this, or explaining that, no more pandering take it, or leave it!

That’s where I’ve come so far. Take it or leave it, you want the room or not. I am not mean about it. I’m just firm and provide no excuses. It has taken me a while but it feels really good to hold my ground.

Another example, since there are two rooms in that apartment the other one was vacant and I had somebody from out of town who wanted to look at it.

We made a time for 1230 today. At 11 o’clock he texts me and he says “I just woke up, I will be there at 1:30“. I texted him back and told him I was sorry that I was not available at 1:30 as we made an appointment for 1230 we would have to reschedule. I live right around the corner and could I have been there at 1:30? Yes I could have however it was how he dealt with it. He told me “he would be there at 1:30“, no asking is it OK, nothing. Again, in the past I would’ve said sure that’s fine, but I would be jumping all over the place all the time, and I refuse to do that now.

Please share some of your learning experiences, and what it took for you to finally stand your ground!

Nice write up. Glad to see you are progressing in landlord levels.

Good for you Jo. Took SO a LONG time to stop jumping. I admit I did some in the beginning as well. No means no. Rent not paid AND I gave you a break AND you pushed it out? No more. When SO finally told them I was in charge of rent, I held to the lease. All was via text. We live close to a rental and yes, SO would jump to show it. Finally had to say, lump a few together. Not worth the gas to drive back and forth. I am all about, here it is...like it and apply for it or not.

Yes, indeed, not worth running back and forth even though I live three minutes away. When someone tells me they are going to be there at a certain time without asking that raises red flags for me. Plus, he wanted to move in tomorrow and I told him no you have to go through the application process.

I don’t know if people these days don’t understand that there is an application to fill out and be approved before you could move in or they just feel entitled

I realize it in the beginning, when I was first starting out, I became anxious about having a vacancy for monetary reasons, of course. Now, I could afford to have one or two vacancies so that I could be more selective.

Way to go, Jo!!

That 1230 appointment disqualified himself in a couple ways, in my book.

At least he called early enough to free you up and avoid going over to meet him.

I would NOT reschedule -he's already done.

>Failed the cooperation test.

>Failed to be on time to an appointment (like he can't set an alarm, or quit partying & get to bed a little earlier?) He broke the verbal agreement, he no doubt will not hesitate to break your written agreement, too.

Way to go, Jo!!

That 1230 appointment disqualified himself in a couple ways, in my book.

At least he called early enough to free you up and avoid going over to meet him.

I would NOT reschedule -he's already done.

>Failed the cooperation test.

>Failed to be on time to an appointment (like he can't set an alarm, or quit partying & get to bed a little earlier?) He broke the verbal agreement, he no doubt will not hesitate to break your written agreement, too.

Yours is a message I needed to read this week. I've always been accommodating, that's my nature, so why fight it.

But, now, I have this one tenant we refer to as Beezlebub. I cannot tell if this person is just stupid, or manipulative, or mean, or maybe all three. I'm keeping very limited contact, offering no 'extras', though my other tenants will still get those things, rent increase was larger than other tenants, though still way below max or even mid-market. Bub has been 'threatening' to move out, I believe in the hopes I will lower the rent. Nope. So, we'll see once the recent rent increase takes effect. In mean time, I've got other tenants asking for their coworkers, a daughter of a former tenant who is looking for a bigger place, and coworkers or relatives of neighbors at my rentals inquiring. So, maybe Bub will make me happy by leaving, so another tenant ( one of the coworkers, or the daughter) can make me happy by arriving. ( thanks Ray'nPa, that ones a good one.)

My unhappy tenant arrived as we came out of the 'rona, and my list of people looking for a place had dried up, as I hadn't been socializing in my neighborhoods. I didn't put a sign in the yard that go-round, don't think I'll make that mistake again. Only used Craigslist, which has yielded good results in the past. Coming out of the virus, the sign in yard would have probably yielded better, in hindsight.

DJ… I did have someone scheduled at noon. However, he texted me last night and told me that he got called into work and could we reschedule for 530 today. That to me is consideration, he ASKED!!

Also, don't say you're sorry in that situation.

I know, you're being polite, but he was the one who owed you an apology.

I think it was WMH who said she has stopped that - and it's a good idea.

I think my entire skin is a callus now because of tenants or wanna be tenants.

I only schedule viewings after I have the app and have run a bit of it to my liking.

Probably my biggest thick skin scenarios have come from when tenants tell me why they are going to be late.

Used to be I would listen and explain to them that my mortgage, taxes, insurance, water bill or whatever still needs to be paid on time.

Now I simply say I am sorry to hear that. Not my problem. Here is the late fee amount (If I want to play that) and I work up a schedule of events.

When one says they needed to pay the cable bill but they will be late paying rent to me I just tell them to consider this their notice.

You can grow a thicker skin, but you'll need to learn when and where it should be deployed. One of my tenants couldn't pay her rent and fell three months behind. She was a surviving cancer patient who got cut off from her Social Security benefits and State support for caring for her grand child while the parents were in jail for drugs.

Jo,

When I stopped prejudging, eliminating prospects because they said something (have you ever been nervous, said something wrong, then wished you could retract it?) my life got easier and more profitable.

Tons of articles on the internet encouraging folks to ask for a discount on rent, esp in this new economy. No skin off my nose for them to ask.

Clever posts about posturing do not fill homes.

I give him points for asking to reschedule. What’s the big deal?

Thicker skin is NOT about prospects, it’s about liars, non-payers, and

housebeaters. Prospects are like children. Work with them where they are and see if they fit into your business.

A little grace goes a LONG way. Keeps your blood pressure down and keeps us from being a bent over grump.

Some of our best, longest residents started out a little rough but that was because they were scared to be ripped off like their last LL. Not us.

We do not talk to ANYONE until they have submitted and paid for their app. We screen then call those who are approved.

We give them the lockbox code for a self tour.

We stick to the lease and the rules, but treat them with respect. Afterall, I want them to take care of my property for a time AND give me toms of money, which gives me FREEDOM!!!

My slogan: Wanna be right or rich?

Another thought...

Be the MANAGER. If you paid a property manager how would you want them to respond to a request to change an appointment ?

Brad, trust me, I definitely do all the things that you mentioned. I listen, I try to help work things out however, what I am meaning by my whole article is that I am not going to spend so much of my time like I used to in the past, waiting around, sometimes calling them back if I don’t hear from them, just things like that. I have less patience for tire kickers.

It really does bother me when they ask for a discount on rent. It’s like me asking them if they would take a cut in their pay. This is my paycheck.

The guy who told me he was coming at 1:30 asked if we could reschedule, which I did. I rescheduled for the next day, which is today. He told me he needed to move in ASAP without considering an application process. That’s a red flag for me. He told me yesterday that he was looking at another place, and would let me know if he took it or not. So far I have heard nothing from him.

I have worked with many many people and I still do, the point I wanted to make was that I am becoming less bothered by people, and I move on much quicker than I used to. This is where I feel much more freedom.

As far as how I deal with my applicants, lots of them respond through Facebook marketplace. I can look up their profiles and that gives me a fairly good indication, not being judgmental, but when I see tongues sticking out and middle fingers in the air, my first thought would be no.

My ad states that as long as the ad is up, the rooms are available. I tell them I will not respond to “is this available”. I ask them to tell me about themselves and give me some contact information. When people follow these instructions I call or message them back and that’s when our conversation begins. The others I don’t even respond to because obviously they are not following my instructions.

Yes, I have pre-judged as I’m sure all of us have done at some point. Usually my intuition was correct. And yes, as far as sometimes people saying things inadvertently, I take that with a grain of salt also, however, after doing this, for lots of years, you get a gut feeling, and we have all spoken about that, and it usually turns out that we are correct.

I understand your point about having a manager, and how I would want them to handle an appointment. I would still feel the same way. If somebody started dictating to me when they would show up rather than respect my appointed time, then that would be another red flag as far as I’m concerned.

As MC said, in the next post, it’s not that I am not making exceptions, it’s how the other person comes across and I just don’t want to put up with that nonsense like I used to do so many times in the past.

[[[[[[......... I don’t know if people these days don’t understand that there is an application to fill out and be approved before you could move in or they just feel entitled.......]]]]]]

You are still learning, but what you will learn is that con artists, losers, criminals, and used car salesman will always try to rush you to get you off balance and to try to force you to make decisions without weighing the options. Any time anyone tries to force you time wise or pushes for a quick decision, they are going to turn out to be a "no".

It doesn't bother me if an applicant asks for a rent reduction. I like tenants who are careful with their money. If they take it in stride when I say "the price is the price" and they are otherwise well qualified, I'm fine with it.

I know that some of the tenant sites tell their readers to always ask for a reduction in the rent. I'm sure they figure, just as I figure, it is always worth a try, no harm no foul.

I’m with you Jo.

The one who woke up late would be a complete pass for me. I don’t rent to people who don’t respect my time.

As far as asking for a rent reduction, I don’t hold that against anyone. It doesn’t hurt to ask. I rent to people of different cultures and negotiating that way is what they do. My rents are always a great value so I have no problems saying no.

I'm with you, Jo, that the late-sleeper was disrespectful of your time, then wanted to dictate terms. If I had dozens and dozens of properties to fill, and a property manager to waste their time on those sorts, oh, maybe, the property manager could deal with that. But, as my time is valuable, and I want a long-term relationship with a tenant, I don't want one who is not respectful. And that respect goes both ways, I respect my tenant's needs as well.

Busy, yes, I agree with you about this guy his dictating the time however, I did reschedule with him for today only because I would be there signing a lease with another tenant so I made the time at 1 o’clock as I was there already, well, 1 o’clock comes and goes, no show, no call, so yes this falls under that no nonsense gut feeling reaction when somebody starts to undermine your needs.

If he contacts me again, I will not respond, but you are correct that if I had lots of vacancies and a slew of property managers, I could sit back and relax, but I don’t!…… some of us here on this site do, and that’s great for them. However, I don’t fall into that category.

Great post.

I am learning from it and from the responses from others. I have definitely been guilty of the same.

I'm glad to see you developing thicker skin. Landlording is a people business. The houses are just our tools/machines to turn tenant money into OUR money.

I probably would've been okay with the guy rescheduling--though the tell vs ask is definitely something to nip in the bud--and the reason for my accommodativeness is... you guessed it... LOCKBOX SHOWINGS. It takes me no time to say, "Okay, sure, just text me know when you're done so we can pick up the key."

Have you ever considered that growing thicker skin might mean giving up just a tiny amount of non-essential control? For example, I hear a lot of folks here say there's no way they could do lock box showings. What if this happen? What if they break that?

I'm here to tell you in 9 years of Class C lock box showings... the WORST thing that happened was someone pooped in a toilet that I had turned the water off. 99 times out of 100 I can't even tell someone has been touring the house.

Thick skin doesn't just apply with tenants: it applies to ourselves too. Ask yourself--and be brutally honest--what do I gain with providing in person tours to dozens of people that I CAN'T gain by providing lock box tours and then doing the 2 minute in home inspection for the 1 or 2 people who actually qualify on paper? Be prepared to list them out. I predict the list will be short or blank.

Getting past our own personal hang ups: THAT's thick skin!

Good luck!

I am moving to lock box showings as well.

Can't do it right now as the place is being worked on. Don't want a bunch of lookie-loos walking around tripping over the tools and materials in there.

Have two prospects already. Was considering doing an in home inspection now, even tho I am weeks away from completion. Not sure how that will go with the prospects as they haven't even seen the place.

Sid, in my case it’s different. This is a three bedroom apartment and there is already one student living there. I can’t have somebody just walking in when he is unaware and I definitely need to give him notice and I’m sure he would not feel comfortable with some random person just walking in, so that’s why I go there to meet the person to get a feel for them, and to walk through the apartment and show them myself, and to let the present tenant know when we will be there.

As far as in-home inspections, that’s tough for me because a lot of students come from various parts of the state, and I am not about to drive to their houses, and do an in-home inspection.

I did reschedule the “1:30” guy as I mentioned in a previous reply, I made it for 1 o’clock as I was already there doing a lease signing with a new student, so it was no skin off my nose. He was a no call, No Show, even though he told me he would confirm, I just knew he wouldn’t because of his response to me the other day, I had prejudged him, but I was correct.

I actually like meeting people in person as I could get a feel for them. I do not meet everybody who applies or inquires, it’s only the ones that I feel would be worth my time. Just because somebody looks good on paper doesn’t mean that they are going to be a good tenant so the bottom line is that I fret less about a one room vacancy and keep my standards up so that I never feel desperate.

Jo, I'm going to push back a bit on your "my situation is different."

It's a house with students. Okay. What that means is pretty soon existing student 1 is going to have a roomie, right?

What better process than to have existing student help out with tours? Sell it like this, "Fred, I know you like living here all by yourself, but the truth is I need to get that other bedroom rented. I know this might create some concerns and nervousness for you, so what I'd like to do is give you the opportunity to help me check out your next roommate. If you could be here on certain hours of the day to open the door and greet the folks touring, that way you can get a feel for whether or not you think you guys will be compatible. I want you to have some say in this process. What days and times work best?"

Like I said... giving up a little bit of non-essential control. Why do you have to be there when there's already someone there? And wouldn't it be a win-win for everyone to ensure the future roomie will get along with the existing occupant?

You said you like to meet them. Of course you will meet them... during the 2-minute in home inspection. You'll see the truth of them, not just what's on the paper.

What else is on your list of "I can ONLY get this information if I meet and provide in person tours?"

P.S. The out of town in-home inspection has been covered here many times. Hire a local realtor on floor duty to stop by. There are ways for the creative landlord to overcome this minor obstacle.

The bottom line is still the bottom line: you NEED to adopt this practice for ALL of your tenants. You will gain 10x the information out of the in-home inspection that you will any paper document or a one-time in person meeting. It's worth $50 a pop if you do your pre-screening right, because it will only need to happen 1 or at most 2 times. Compare that to getting a bed bug infestation or a hoarder or a slob.... $50 is chump change for the immense value this step provides.

Try it once. Then give us feed back here on how it goes. Don't just say, "This can't work for me."

Ken, I like you a lot and I know you're smart, but this is scenario is borderline absurd. You're assuming the worst will happen, when in reality this is no different than if you asked a buddy or a handyman to go over and unlock the unit. It happens all the time, and no one is getting sued. That person isn't there to "vet" anyone, nor are they "my representative". They're there to unlock the door and say, "Howdy!" If they can't handle that, you probably chose the wrong resident for a shared living space.

Don't fear the boogey man!

Is it really fair to give someone a discount if they ask for it and not give it to everyone? I don't think it is......I would have added when some one talks me down in the rent that they are trying to violate fair housing laws unintentionally.

I have less tolerance for anyone being late for a showing.

First Housing course ever attended was a Milwaukee Training Course for landlords. I went alone as I had become dis-engaged and so were the responsibilities.

Sat down and tapped the lady in front of me for some conversation as we waiting for the training to begin. I asked her about her experience being a LL and oh boy, right away she told me she was being sued for discrimination because her tenant showed her apartment and made a remark interpreted as discrimination. The LL didn't know her tenant was going to show her unit. I don't know the outcome, but Ken is correct in that someone just opening up the house for a person could be acting as an agent. SID, not so borderline absurd.

Since then, our lease does not allow tenant to act as LL's agent (representative) without my express permission in writing. When tenants are trying to break the lease, some will advertise and show their apartment without me knowing. I don't want someone showing a place speaking for me. Our lease also does not allow subletting.

For safety alone my tenants should not be showing a place.

I think many of us have grown a lot over the years. I look back when I started almost 40 years ago now and see how much I've grown. At first I was too friendly and accomodating. Then I went through a phase where I hated every applicant that walked through the door, all I saw were thieves, liars, and cheats. Finally, I came to the realization that there were a lot of good people in that pool and a few bad ones that were overshadowing them. Then there were others that were basically good but just needed a swift kick in the pants to get their act together or their self induced suffering would become mine.

At this stage of the game I follow the President Truman strategy. His quote summarizes it, "walk softly but carry a big stick". I other words, I'm nice until it's time not to be.

Jo,

I’m sorry if my response sounded critical.

When I respond I realize many LLs are reading it because I get personal emails and texts with comments about my posts from readers. I am also trying to help lead and teach all readers. I can only respond based on the words shown.

We work to present ourselves as professionals. Prospects ASSUME we have a public office with a full time staff, eager to show apts like the big dog apts. Not unusual for prospects to TELL us when they will be there.

I only work about an hour a day. Other helpers are part time. So we communicate and reschedule as needed.

You have a good head on your shoulders. The fact you are aware and asking proves that.

Keep smiling!

BRAD

I want to thank everyone for all of your input. Everyone has different methods of being a landlord, which is comfortable for them and accommodates their lifestyles.

No one is being critical of anyone, we are just all sharing our experiences.

Success and failures can be relative terms. We all learn at different times and at different levels and unfortunately we probably all have learned because of not so pleasant experiences with less than stellar tenants.