TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 10:38 AM|
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Frank [NJ]) Oct 6, 2017 10:44 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Sparky [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 10:45 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Oct 6, 2017 11:09 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Andrew, Canada [ON]) Oct 6, 2017 11:19 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Kurt [MI]) Oct 6, 2017 11:25 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 11:26 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 11:37 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Oct 6, 2017 11:53 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by S i d [MO]) Oct 6, 2017 12:04 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 1:28 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Ken [NY]) Oct 6, 2017 1:48 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Amy [MO]) Oct 6, 2017 2:17 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Oct 6, 2017 2:41 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 6, 2017 3:19 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Smokowna [MD]) Oct 6, 2017 4:10 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by BRAD 20,000 [IN]) Oct 6, 2017 4:10 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by LiveTheDream [AZ]) Oct 6, 2017 6:18 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by AllyM [NJ]) Oct 6, 2017 6:38 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by RathdrumGal [ID]) Oct 6, 2017 6:50 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by BRAD 20,000 [IN]) Oct 6, 2017 7:12 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by #22 [MO]) Oct 6, 2017 7:18 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Lynda [TX]) Oct 6, 2017 8:25 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Still Learning [NH]) Oct 6, 2017 9:08 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Nicole [PA]) Oct 7, 2017 5:29 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Still Learning [NH]) Oct 7, 2017 6:35 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by RB [MI]) Oct 7, 2017 8:34 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Oct 7, 2017 8:38 AM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by oregonwoodsmoke [OR]) Oct 7, 2017 1:35 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Wilma [PA]) Oct 7, 2017 1:50 PM
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 10:38 AM
This is one of the tenants who recently moved into my rooming house. She's a young mother with 3 year old identical twin girls. There was a piece of trim that came off from a window that I dropped by to inspect. Upon entering the room, one the twins runs up very excited to see me and hugs me. The other one hands me the TV remote. I had only seen them a couple of times previously.
I wasn't sure how to handle this and my heart melted, so I hugged the little girl back. I thought I'd share this "problem" :-) Are they trying to soften me up? Advice please!
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Frank [NJ]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 10:44 AM
Desperate for attention from father figure? --70.208.xx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Sparky [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 10:45 AM
I wouldn't worry about it unless they start calling you Da Da. --70.198.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:09 AM
Cute...but unfortunately that is often a sign of previous physical/sexual abuse... --173.22.xx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Andrew, Canada [ON]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:19 AM
GKARL..... I assume you are male as I dont know you.
I would be polite and friendly but absolutely NO NO physical contact!
All it takes is an accusation. You will be considered guilty and your innocence will be your burden of proof....yes I know its innocent till proven guilty, but thats not the reality.
You are considered the rich evil landlord and you are a prime target.
Over the years I have had families in my rentals with very sweet, engaging kids. I may chat with them while im at the property but never ever touch, hug ect. --70.48.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Kurt [MI]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:25 AM
WMH is right on this front. It isn't necessarily what is going on, but that is a red flag. --216.144.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:26 AM
I hope that abuse isn't the case here. They're only 3 years old. The mom and kids were displaced after their family members lost their home due to foreclosure. Everyone had to get out and the Mom and her kids found a room with me. The mother used to work with an Amazon warehouse in this area, but a box fell on her head resulting in a concussion so she gets a disability check from private insurance. She plans on going back to work with them.
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:37 AM
I'm a male and I didn't have much choice to avoid the hug. As soon as I entered the room, the little girl ran up and hugged me as if I were her long lost uncle and then turned around and started playing. I just brushed it off as how the little girl is although my own kids were always very wary of strangers. Although anything is possible, I'm still inclined to write it off as that. --64.121.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 11:53 AM
Wary is the norm. I just finished 30 hours of training regarding being a child advocate for the courts, and inappropriate affection, touching, hugging...not SURE signs but unfortunately, pretty common signs. :( --173.22.xx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by S i d [MO]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 12:04 PM
Personally, I wouldn't ever go there again knowing what I know now, but as that may not be practical for you at bare minimum take a witness with you, always. Preferably female, but in today's multi-sexual world I'm not sure how much better that is even...
When I was a public school teacher, the rule was ALWAYS have your door open and NEVER be alone in a room with a female student (I'm male for anyone who doesn't know). We had a coach get accused one time...girl later retracted her accusation, but by that time the small town gossip ring had it's way with him he had to leave town because he was getting death threats. Even AFTER the gal confessed, because of course, "she was coerced into retracting."
You must be 100% above reproach, meaning not even a whiff of impropriety. Even if that means hurting a little child's feelings by having her mom enforce a strict "no contact" rule of sending her to another area while you and your witness are around.
Even if the Govt finds you innocent, no one else will. We live in the day where someone will latch onto any story regardless of the truth and will post it on Facebook to be re-posted / shared / meme'd and hated on by everyone. Retractions do no good, if you can convince anyone to retract them. I'm sad that it has come to this, but it has... --173.19.xx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 1:28 PM
I have to go there tomorrow and repair the trim. Generally, other tenants are around, so I'm not especially concerned about witnesses or the lack thereof.
I don't have to even be in the room or even on premises to be accused when you think about it. I can simply not be there at all and still be accused unless I had an alibi establishing I was elsewhere. Better yet, I could be on premises in another part of the building and no where near them and still be accused of some impropriety. Although I plan on putting up cameras, it's not practical to have those everywhere either. And the testimony of witnesses can be impugned so that's not a complete fail safe either unless they're completely disinterested. Good point about a reputation being savaged and one can never quite recover from that.
It doesn't have to be a sexual impropriety either. You could go on site for a repair and the tenant could accuse you of stealing their stuff when they weren't home. Going back to sexual impropriety, you could be accused of that by even another male.
It's impossible and impractical to insure against every conceivable risk. The best we can do is mitigate the most common ones where practical but a determined adversary can be problematic. Fortunately, these individuals are the exception rather than the rule.
And there are some things that are just innocent. I'm hoping that was the case here.
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Ken [NY]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 1:48 PM
I had the same thing happen with a boy about 7 years old about a month ago,i had only seen him a few times,i was not expecting it and couldn't have stopped it,he just ran over when I got there and hugged me.I assumed at the time that the poor kid just didn't get any attention or affection from his mother and her boyfriend.I hope it is not what WMH is saying it could be but they are a messed up bunch so who knows. --72.231.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Amy [MO]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 2:17 PM
And maybe the stranger danger just hasn't been drilled into their heads enough yet for them to be afraid and they are just friendly?
Lots of people still very touchy feely and not all have been abused.
Still, be careful just the same. --136.32.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by WMH [NC]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 2:41 PM
I'm not saying never go there again! I'm just saying forewarned is forearmed. Dodge the hug if you can, if you cannot, be sure the Mom is front and center in the room as you enter. Don't discuss - she doesn't know or doesn't want to know or doesn't want to discuss what she knows.
But don't hug. --173.22.xx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 3:19 PM
Yes, the mother was there when this went down. As I'm thinking about it, those twins were active even from day one when they moved in. The kid is still in diapers at age 3 though--I don't know what's up with that. But they literally tag teamed me upon entering the room. They were watching TV when the mother let me in and as soon as I walked in, one of the ran up to hug me while the other one handed me the remote to the TV; it was like they wanted me to play with them. I was there all of five minutes to see what I had to do to put the trim back up.
There's another mother and child right below them and that mother has been complaining about the other one not controlling her kids. The one below her works the grave yard shift and likes to sleep during the day so the twins' playing wakes her up. Now if there's anyone I'm cautious about being around, it's the latter mother. She got together with another lady wanting me to put out that lady's boyfriend when they broke up. I separated the boyfriend into a separate room and she accused him of breaking into his girlfriend's room and throwing her stuff around. I felt very strongly that was a false claim and strangely, it was advanced by this other mother rather than the girlfriend whose room was supposedly broken into. Prior to this mother getting involved, the girlfriend was pressing me to make him leave which I refused. Actually, I'm cautious going around either of those two (they occupy separate rooms in the same suite). The boyfriend left later on his own accord. I definitely don't have the same vibe from the twins' mother. --64.121.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Smokowna [MD]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 4:10 PM
I had a little kid hug me just a few days back. (The kid could not help it as I am irresistible).
I smiled and leaned over and squeezed the kid's sides, shook his hand too, then handed him some loaves of bread to carry followed by another trip of fruit.
I have no idea how old the kid was, but about that age.
Kids are great!
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by BRAD 20,000 [IN]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 4:10 PM
Proves you are a nice, likable guy!
We only enter with an appt and an adult present.
Our mentally disabled residents give us big hugs - it's their culture.
Maybe a body cam??
What a shame about the risks of hugging. And people think *I* am paranoid about safety!
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by LiveTheDream [AZ]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 6:18 PM
Pretty sad that our country is at the point where a little kid spontaneously hugs someone they have to be concerned about liability and being charged with child abuse.
Luckily Halloween is nearly here so I can refresh my stew cauldron with fresh children. Cackle, cackle, cackle... ;)
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by AllyM [NJ]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 6:38 PM
A guy lacking a father figure just blew away 59 people. It was nice of you to give her a hug. --73.33.xxx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by RathdrumGal [ID]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 6:50 PM
A sign of attachment disorder. I am not saying that this child has AD, but as an adoptive parent of two Romanian orphans, this is NOT normal behavior. --208.185.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by BRAD 20,000 [IN]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 7:12 PM
On a related note, people are up in arms and kicking Dr Suess books out of the school library. Too racist.
Our world is going mad.
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by #22 [MO]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 7:18 PM
I disagree with a correlation to sexual abuse exposure.
I see this type of behavior in children who aren't getting enough attention from one or both parents and are begging to get it somewhere else.
I wouldn't say the kids are trying to soften you up, but sadly, in this day and age, would worry about liability concerns... just like Brad, I agree it's a sad shame --173.24.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Lynda [TX]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 8:25 PM
I find that with small children, the best thing is to let them "help." Let one hand you the tools, or a wiping rag. Let one stand back and tell you if it looks good/needs to move left or right. It let's them feel useful and gives them some attention.
The 2 young Sec-8 kids I had (15 yrs ago) "helped me" in the garage, in the house, and the backyard too. As I fixed things I also straightened up and did some minor cleaning. After a while I had them sweeping, using a dustpan, spraying the cleanser while I wiped something down, picking up nails, etc. These kids were "in the system" and would probably always be in it because they only learned from their mother. I wanted to show them what it felt like to do something constructive, and that work could be fun, not always avoid it.
They always volunteered when I came, but none of it stayed with them. (A couple years ago I saw the tenant again. The son was a HS dropout and in prison. The little girl was an unwed mother with a baby--another generation in the system. --108.87.xx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Still Learning [NH]) Posted on: Oct 6, 2017 9:08 PM
There are many possible reasons. In school when we are working with children that run up and hug adults or other kids we try to teach them to high five instead. If the child does it again just provide them with another option which could be a special handshake or high five. --166.137.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Nicole [PA]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 5:29 AM
This entire thread breaks my heart. I have a lot of grandchildren and six of them are little girls. They are all very affectionate... of course the 13 year old is now into hugging her friends ... takes 5 minutes to walk away from the bus stop as every 13 year old at that bus stop needs to hug each other ... and they all live within a block or so of each other and see each other daily !! When I picked the 5 year old up at day care a few months ago, 3 or 4 little kids (one being a boy) all came running up to hug me yelling "YiaYia"... you would have thought everyone was going to the dentist with me !!! I left with a picture one little girl colored for me.
Yes, I understand as adults everyone needs to be cautious in today's world but sometimes a hug is just a hug. No, don't hug in a dark room with the door closed. No, don't ask a child to walk alone with you anywhere to hug them. But a child running up and hugging someone isn't always anything more than a child being what they are ... sweet & innocent. --72.95.xx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Still Learning [NH]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 6:35 AM
Nicole, I agree. We actually still allow hugs in our elementary school because many children need it. It is when one party doesn't want it that it is an issue. Every child is greeted by their teacher at the doorway walking into their classroom. One kindergarten teacher stands at the door and asks each child "hug or high five?" The child choose and starts their day. I believe other teachers even in the higher grades offer that too (but it has to be a teacher comfortable with that). I have had it happen at our apartments once. For me a quick pat on the back and then engaging the child in conversation worked. Some children don't understand social norms and based on what someone said it could be a sign of abuse, but , plenty of them just use hugs to say hi, show affection or are needing a hug. --166.137.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by RB [MI]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 8:34 AM
Another Thread beat to death by personal misconception. --71.13.xx.xxx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by GKARL [PA]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 8:38 AM
Nicole, I'm chocking this up to sweet and innocent kids probably bored stuck in a room. I hope the mom takes them outside and lets them play with the other kids in the neighborhood. I'm not sure how much help the mom gets. As I indicated, the entire family had to scatter various places due to losing their home to foreclosure so this woman and her kids were about to be homeless. They have very little other than the furniture I put in the room and their TV.
The mom is probably guilty of bad choices, but who among us isn't? The only difference is that some of us can escape the consequences of those choices while some can not.
I emphathize with her situation. I can't show that, but that's what I feel. In my role as her LL, the only thing I can do is make my place the best I can for her and her kids. As a fellow human who believes in God, I'll keep her, her children and others similarly situated in my prayers and praying that God keeps a hedge of protection around her and her kids.
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by oregonwoodsmoke [OR]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 1:35 PM
I think it is very possible that they are just little kids and they have heard their mother say how lucky they are that Gkarl let them have a place to stay. That they would have been in trouble if Gkarl hadn't given them a place to live. So they see Gkarl as a friend. Children have uncomplicated views of the world.
Unfortunately, you have to protect yourself, so don't be alone with the kids.
My son has his own rentals and he does repairs on my rentals and our family rule is that he will never be alone with children or female tenants. It's just to protect against false allegations. It's a real shame the world is that way, but you have to compensate for it. --72.35.xxx.xx
TENANT'S KID HUGS ME! (by Wilma [PA]) Posted on: Oct 7, 2017 1:50 PM
Our one set of tenants had a little girl who was always hugging us when we came and went (her two sisters were more reserved - and yes, there was a dad living there). Mom was always around, and showed no concern when my hubby hugged back.
This kid was the chatty one who was so happy if she thought she was helping. We gave her a wrench to hold in place on a nut. or had her hold the towel for plumbing leaks. Loved that kid. We corresponded with her folks at Christmas for about 10 years or so, the only ones that we ever connected with in that way.
My husband was a teacher (high school), too, and he always kept the classroom door open for after-school help, and the students who came had to sit in the seats lined up with the door, so anyone could look in and see. As he got closer to the end of his career, he began to chafe at the "don't touch any student" directive, and began to ask kids if they needed a hug when they appeared to be upset, and always within earshot of another student or teacher. Many of both genders took him up on this.
When they graduated, he would stand at the gate as each graduate entered the stadium, and a huge percentage of them would brush past the offered handshake and go for a spontaneous hug. He still has former students come up and hug him in restaurants and supermarkets. --71.175.xxx.xxx