no rent from relative (by Wiseguys Property [MO]) May 14, 2017 11:49 AM|
no rent from relative (by #22 [MO]) May 14, 2017 12:01 PM
no rent from relative (by NE [PA]) May 14, 2017 12:03 PM
no rent from relative (by Jr [ME]) May 14, 2017 12:06 PM
no rent from relative (by WMH [NC]) May 14, 2017 12:09 PM
no rent from relative (by Jr [ME]) May 14, 2017 12:13 PM
no rent from relative (by AllyM [NJ]) May 14, 2017 12:38 PM
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) May 14, 2017 12:42 PM
no rent from relative (by Ken [NY]) May 14, 2017 12:51 PM
no rent from relative (by Nicole [PA]) May 14, 2017 1:23 PM
no rent from relative (by Moshe [CA]) May 14, 2017 1:32 PM
no rent from relative (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) May 14, 2017 2:51 PM
no rent from relative (by Mike45 [NV]) May 14, 2017 3:16 PM
no rent from relative (by Lynda [TX]) May 14, 2017 3:35 PM
no rent from relative (by cjo'h [CT]) May 14, 2017 4:12 PM
no rent from relative (by Pattyk [MO]) May 14, 2017 5:00 PM
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) May 14, 2017 5:05 PM
no rent from relative (by Chris [PA]) May 14, 2017 5:50 PM
no rent from relative (by Julie [KS]) May 14, 2017 6:44 PM
no rent from relative (by OKHMBLDR [OK]) May 14, 2017 6:56 PM
no rent from relative (by S i d [MO]) May 14, 2017 7:20 PM
no rent from relative (by William [CA]) May 14, 2017 8:27 PM
no rent from relative (by Amy [MO]) May 14, 2017 8:45 PM
no rent from relative (by cjo'h [CT]) May 14, 2017 10:05 PM
no rent from relative (by Janet [KY]) May 14, 2017 10:08 PM
no rent from relative (by myob [GA]) May 15, 2017 4:28 AM
no rent from relative (by Dan [IL]) May 15, 2017 5:48 AM
no rent from relative (by Pattyk [MO]) May 15, 2017 5:58 AM
no rent from relative (by Robert J [CA]) May 15, 2017 8:05 AM
no rent from relative (by tryan [MA]) May 15, 2017 9:47 AM
no rent from relative (by Landlord ofthe Flies [TX]) May 15, 2017 3:17 PM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 15, 2017 4:07 PM
no rent from relative (by Amy [MO]) May 15, 2017 4:43 PM
no rent from relative (by Nicole [PA]) May 15, 2017 6:39 PM
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) May 15, 2017 8:24 PM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 16, 2017 4:04 AM
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) May 16, 2017 4:27 AM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 16, 2017 4:51 AM
no rent from relative (by Chris [CA]) May 16, 2017 4:58 AM
no rent from relative (by myob [GA]) May 16, 2017 5:43 AM
no rent from relative (by tryan [MA]) May 16, 2017 6:55 AM
no rent from relative (by ME23 [TX]) May 17, 2017 11:50 AM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 17, 2017 5:30 PM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 17, 2017 5:52 PM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 17, 2017 6:24 PM
no rent from relative (by Colin [CO]) May 18, 2017 9:12 AM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 18, 2017 10:05 AM
no rent from relative (by Barb [MO]) May 18, 2017 10:36 AM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 18, 2017 11:26 AM
no rent from relative (by Mike [CO]) May 18, 2017 8:58 PM
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) May 19, 2017 1:29 AM
no rent from relative (by Mike [CO]) May 19, 2017 7:29 PM
no rent from relative (by Wiseguys Property [MO]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 11:49 AM
Our daughter and 3 young grandchildren live in one of our rentals. In 2010 she agreed in writing to pay $500/month rent. She was working and had always been extremely responsible about paying her bills and about everything else. That same year she quit her job and has refused to work ever since. She allows her boyfriend to live there for free. Until 6 months ago we also paid the utilities and all of her expenses because of our grandchildren. The boyfriend is supposed to pay us $300/month, but has not paid for many months. We have tried to put him out, but she keeps inviting him back. We want to get him banned from our property without evicting our daughter, which would leave our 3 grandchildren homeless. We would gladly take them in, but our daughter says she will hide them from us if we do not continue allowing all of them to live there rent free. We have consulted 3 attorneys, but short of a custody battle, it is not looking good from that standpoint, as Missouri is a "Mothers' state" when it comes to custody. Any suggestions on getting the boyfriend out? Isn't his separate rental agreement with us enough to have him banned from our property?
She is completely unco-operative. We would never have rented to her had she not always been so responsible and considerate. She has done a complete 180. I would appreciate any suggestions. --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by #22 [MO]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:01 PM
What a sad situation. Are drugs involved? Look him and her up on casenet... some good info can be found there. What your daughter is doing is using her kids as pawns and being pretty rotten.. you're in a bad position regardless of what you do... I doubt you have any control over the bf living there or not, absent throwing them all out... sorry for your bad fortune .. --70.195.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by NE [PA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:03 PM
There is probably drugs involved and you are the enabler. Sorry, just the way it is. You currently have deadbeat tenants.
Kick them out with love. --50.32.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Jr [ME]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:06 PM
I ache for you. No there is nothing you can do to get your daughter or her boyfriend to do anything as long as you allow her to hold your grandchildren hostage. Either pay the 500 bucks a month protection money or not, evict the brood and see what happens which might well mean you will lose access to your grandchildren.
Make your decision and live with the outcome. --166.182.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by WMH [NC]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:09 PM
Sell the house. --173.22.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by Jr [ME]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:13 PM
An excellent question. Are drugs involved? If so(rather than mental illness or a truly evil nature) perhaps you could persuade your daughter to relinquish custody for a substantial payment If the drugs have control of her brain she might go for it. She is already dead to you but maybe you can salvage the children. --166.182.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by AllyM [NJ]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:38 PM
Bite the bullet and just support your daughter and those children. Time will make changes. Anything you do that would remove him and her is jeopardizing the well being of those grandchildren. Nothing, not one thing, not one dime is worth causing a problem for those little ones. You are all they have. Seems like the mom is trying to make something work under unusual circumstances. She may actually be afraid of the boyfriend and be unable to tell anyone about it. Do your best and stick with it for the sake of those children. I do feel that something will change.
What you don't want to do is make your daughter and those grandkids a problem to the boyfriend. At least they are not his children so he is not paying alimony or child support and has no reason to make them disappear. Where is the children's father? --73.33.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:42 PM
You're being used, manipulated and threatened.
Nobody deserves that and I would never allow it. I'd evict them all. Let her deal with the consequences of her choices. I don't believe enabling bad behavior helps and I'm not one to be abused myself. --173.170.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Ken [NY]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 12:51 PM
I agree with Lisa 100%.Also agree with NE,there is probably drugs involved.You are not helping anyone by allowing her to control you like this.I would evict her,then she will know you have a backbone --24.25.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Nicole [PA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 1:23 PM
as a mother and a grandmother of many, I would never permit one of my children ... and as a result my grandchildren ... to be homeless or live in unsafe conditions such as moving here and there.
daughter is not ready to get rid of the boyfriend so she won't. forget about paying ... they're not going to pay you a dime.
are the kids physically and mentally okay? clean, fed, acting age appropriate, doing well in school?
I would tell her AND HIM, face to face, in no uncertain terms what I think of him and that I want him gone. She is not leaving unless you force her to and I wouldn't do that ... but I'd make his life so miserable he'd be gone. She'll stay.
I also agree about the drugs ... --72.95.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by Moshe [CA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 1:32 PM
Evidently, none of your 3 attorneys have given you enough of an understanding of the issues for you to see the limitations of the situation. I don't know anything about MO, but I expect that the following are true:
1. There is no such thing as a "separate" lease, the boyfriend apart from the daughter. Most state laws do not permit a landlord to lease a specific property to more than one party at any specific time. Either the boyfriend is a lessee along with the daughter, or he is a guest (of the daughter), but he cannot be a separate lessee leasing the same property at the same time.
2. If it is not forbidden by the lease, your daughter has the right to cohabit on the property with whomever she pleases. As landlord, you may be able to limit use of the property by a guest for an unreasonable length of time, but you cannot obstruct the daughter's right to associate with whomever she pleases (US Constitution).
3. The law has remedies for nonpayment of rent. They, of course, would be applied against the daughter, her being the tenant (lessee). She is essentially subleasing to the boyfriend, but your recourse for nonpayment of rent is limited to eviction and/or lawsuit for payment under the contract.
4. Obviously, your real problem is not a landlord/tenant problem at all, but a matter of your daughter's relationship and/or dependence on the man in her life. Remember that everyone gets lonely and needs a partner in life. If you were to evict your daughter (including all other persons in residence, then she will probably want to remain with the boyfriend. Rent would probably get paid on time, but to a new landlord, not you. Thus, the problem does not really exist on the landlord/tenant level at all, but is a matter of the heart, for which attorneys, 3 or 17 of them, are remarkably ill-equipped.
no rent from relative (by Ray-N-Pa [PA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 2:51 PM
Point #4 is spot on Moshe.
It is my hope that you are able to resolve this issue, but believe it goes well beyond scope of the board.
Renting to family is normally not a solid business decision --24.239.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Mike45 [NV]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 3:16 PM
You need to talk to an atty who specializes in Family Law. Forget about the LL-T issues and look to the safety and well-being of your grandchildren.
Can you document your daughter's poor choices, poor parenting, drug use or other mental problems? That is where I'd focus. Unless and until I could get custody of the kids, the mom will have a trump card to use against you. So start to document whatever you can, with the advice and guidance of a family law atty!
You might need to transfer the house to another LL, who can evict the mom without it looking like you are cruel and heartless. If you do the eviction, that will be used against you in the family court -- Mom will argue that "grandma evicted her own daughter and grandkids, leaving them homeless! It was grandma who created this situation that she now is seeking to exploit." So transfer the property so that you are not the one to evict!!
Once she is evicted, document what daughter does with the kids, so that you can exploit that situation in the family court!
no rent from relative (by Lynda [TX]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 3:35 PM
Wiseguys (Gramma and Grampa) I will put you and your situation on my "positive think" list (like praying). I do know that time changes situations. They may have a fight, she may get tired of him, etc. Keep in good touch with the grandchildren so you can know of their welfare. Talk to the oldest one about the home situation (if old enough) and you may find out a lot--kids see and hear more than you expect. They must have some money coming in--or how do they pay electric, water, car payments and food bills?
She can apply for WIC food coupons, Welfare, and even Sec8 (which will pay YOU) if she is not working and has small children at home.
Unless supporting all of them is severely putting you in the poorhouse, I wouldn't throw them out. That would put the grandkids at risk, they would loose school time and fall behind, or she would take them away where you would NOT be able to monitor their health and safety. Support the grandkids by doing things only they benefit from, (clothes, shoes, school lunch program). Stay the people in the white hats. When things go bad, she will turn TO you instead of away from you. I will begin to immediately positive-think your situation. Best, Lynda --108.87.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by cjo'h [CT]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 4:12 PM
Sorry for your tragedy.Just keep going the way you are.The children are getting older and don't miss what's happening and the years go by faster than we imagine,So just still ne there,when they're ready to make their move.After it happens,its up to you to do what you have to do.Like NE says there's more to this than we have control over....................Charlie.............................................. --174.199.x.xx
no rent from relative (by Pattyk [MO]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 5:00 PM
Give her the house as her inherentence. Let her thrive or will on her own. Be done with it. You can't help here unless she is helping herself. Tough love. --66.87.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 5:05 PM
Give her the house? At what cost? Risk your retirement security for a dead beat loser? Risk your good credit? How is that helping your grandchildren?
But she quit her job in 2010 and has had all her bills paid for? All that enabling hasn't resulted in anything but parental abuse. I can't believe what I'm hearing.
If I wanted to help the grandchildren I'd sue for custody and get them out of the hands of my dead beat daughter. Or I'd simply evict them and wish them well. --173.170.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Chris [PA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 5:50 PM
If she or the deadbeat boyfriend is using drugs in the presence of the grandchildren, you might want to call Children & Youth Services. You might be able to have the grandchildren placed into your custody if your daughter is found to be unfit. --100.6.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Julie [KS]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 6:44 PM
What is allowed to continue, will continue.
Should have had a difficult conversation after she quit her job in 2010.
But we tend to start how we intend to go.
Mixing family & business is rarely a good idea. This is a no win situation with few good solutions. When you get fed up enough you'll make a move. Until then good luck. --63.245.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by OKHMBLDR [OK]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 6:56 PM
It's time to get tough. Your daughter is an extortionist! Turn your property over to a Real Estate Management Co.
Tell here the property is no longer in your control. The management co. will provide her with a lease at full market value, and if you fail to pay the lease, they will evict you from the property.
Be firm! She may pull the grand kids away for a while, but she will be back.
Don't back down.
I know, some of you think I'm a hard A$$. But this has be happening since 2010. Seven years is enough. --68.12.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by S i d [MO]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 7:20 PM
I love my children too much to allow them to act like fools while I participate. Keep in mind...your grandchildren are watching. I'm pretty sure you don't want them to grow up to act like this. But that means ripping the BandAid off. The last thing you want is for them to follow their parents' example.
Tough love? No...just love. Giving a drunk a drink is not love. It's the worst thing you can do for them. Sometimes I think the hardest part of being a parent is letting your kids fail and hit rock bottom. But that may be the only way to get them started down a path to a real life.
no rent from relative (by William [CA]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 8:27 PM
Your daughter is going to use you for as long as you let her. Yes. I see that theire are 3 grandchildren. That is what seems to be why you are allowing this problem to continue. Fact is, your daughter is treating you lousy. You simply have something she wants, the rental site, and she is not planning to give you a cent. How long you allow this is up to you. You do have the power to kick her out, but you are concerned about the grandchildren. --128.218.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by Amy [MO]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 8:45 PM
I like property management idea. Along with supporting the grandkids SPECIFICALLY, ie taking them to buy some school clothes and removing the tags immediately, buy them a pizza, throw them a birthday party, take them to the park or library in the summer. If you build a good foundation, whether or not she moves away from you they will remember! They grow up and usually seek out the stable figures in their lives. I also thought there were grandparents' rights to see their grandchildren. Not that you want to go that route.
Idea #1 You can give your rental to a property manager for specific duties because of your health. Property manager is to follow the lease. If she wants to talk about the rental- "Sorry, I just get the checks. They take money out of the rent and handle it all. Oh-their number? 1-800-GTHO. How's the kids?"
Also, did you give them separate leases? Correct me if I'm wrong, but not sure you can really do that? I thought each house had to have only one lease/contract at a time. You will probably have to do two evictions if you can do it at all.
Idea #2 Does the lease end? Don't renew and tell them you need them to leave so you can remodel--which is most likely the truth at this point.
Ay, what a situation. So sorry. Time to get them a little uncomfortable!! She can do this- but your support of her antics to this extent says to her that she can't. She will emerge on the other side a stronger woman who faces her responsibilities head on.
Reminds me of an episode of "The Super" on Netflix. Reality TV show of a landlord- episode when his stepdaughter has moved in and taken advantage of their relationship.
no rent from relative (by cjo'h [CT]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 10:05 PM
Can't imagine something like this happening. Today is mothers day.One daughter and two grandchildren came over with homemade cake and a flowering plant,Another with all kinds of goodies and did this and did that! Like NE and Ken said,something bad has happened to your daughter over which she has no control.There has to be a lawyer who is shrewd enough to guide you in this time of turmoil. Like getting guardianship of your grandchildren.I'm at a loss for words,and that just isn't like me?........Charlie........................................................
no rent from relative (by Janet [KY]) Posted on: May 14, 2017 10:08 PM
My input is much of the same from above. With her
doing the complete 180 sounds like the boyfriend introduced
her to drugs. People on drugs don't care about paying rent
they now need that money for drugs. They quit their job because they can no longer function .
Either sell the house or give it to her. Time for tough
no rent from relative (by myob [GA]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 4:28 AM
This is a bad case of STUPID and not on the tenants part. --74.184.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Dan [IL]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 5:48 AM
It is indeed a sad situation. How has the daughter supported herself and her family since she quit her job? Solely by relying on public assistance? If so, what good example does that show to her children? Allowing the status quo instills no work ethic into those grandchildren. I too, would assign management duties over to a management company (for health reasons). State that lease terms are to be enforced, including the expected rent payments. That way, the remembered face of the bad guy performing the eviction act will be of third parties, NOT of grandma. (And yes, it's tough love.)
no rent from relative (by Pattyk [MO]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 5:58 AM
She is going to get the house anyway when u die... I'd rather make the house payment until...? Raise all heck from ever angle or as my mom said... You can live it for them. --66.87.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Robert J [CA]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 8:05 AM
You didn't mention of this is your only child and how much rental property you own!
The same thing happened to a good friend of mine. A child stopped paying rent for living in a rental home. The parents owned the entire block, both sides of the street, 20 homes.
So to solve this problem, because their other 2 children were paying market rents, the parents modified their wills. The child not paying rent got the house now rent free, but got cut out of the will, losing their 1/3 interest in the other rental home -- or a million dollars.
Now the deadbeat child want's to start paying rent again, so long as they will inherit a fair share of the properties.. --47.156.xx.xxx
no rent from relative (by tryan [MA]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 9:47 AM
I would allow her to stay on one condition. MONTHLY DRUG TESTS .... in lieu of rent. If she tests clean then you are providing a safe home for the kids. If not EVICT. That is the tough love needed to help everyone in the long run.
She'll be forced to pick: housing or drugs. --198.168.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by Landlord ofthe Flies [TX]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 3:17 PM
You have no control of the situation as a landlord unless you are willing to give up your grandchildren. So forget legal advice. You're not willing to do what you legally can and you can't legally do what you wish you could do.
Here's what I would do:
1. I would amend my will so that my daughter got nothing and the grandchildren receive her share. Place it in a trust managed by a third party that the children can have in time for college.
2. Have the boyfriend investigated. Find out if it is drugs.
3. If drugs are involved, have them arrested. Then you'll have a better chance to gain custody of the grandchildren. --99.125.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 4:07 PM
Robert J [CA])
Landlord of the Flies [TX]
Thank you to these three for their constructive comments and suggestions. You each presented some very good options for me that may actually have a positive outcome.
Also, I appreciate that you actually made thoughtful suggestions instead of just regurgitating the negatives and seemingly hopelessness of the situation back at me,like many of the others did, making me feel even worse. I already know how bad it is, and I already feel horrible and heartbroken about it. I didn't need salt in the wounds.
I asked for help and I really didn't need the judgmental comments that many of the others offered.
Thank you again to those that actually offered constructive, positive, and thoughtful advice. Your suggestions give me hope :)
Sincerely, Carol; Wiseguys Property Management, LLC --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Amy [MO]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 4:43 PM
Welp, we tried. Good luck. --136.32.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Nicole [PA]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 6:39 PM
I wonder if the many who said to boot her out are grandparents. I truly cannot imagine anyone putting a grandchild on the street.
This has nothing to do with finances (unless the op can't pay their own bills due to this but that doesn't seem the situation).
Teaching an adult child a lesson at the expense of grandchildren would never happen in my family ... drugs or not. --72.95.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) Posted on: May 15, 2017 8:24 PM
Because the situation as described isn't at the expense of the grandchildren. --173.170.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 4:04 AM
To answer some of the questions raised within many of these responses: Family Services and a Family Law Attorney have been involved at my request, because the utilities were off for 2 1/2 months. In Missouri, they are pitifully inept, and they almost always side with the mother. The children only have to be provided food once every 24 hours, and can live with all of the utilities off unless the outdoor temperature drops below 30 degrees. The only thing they would do is require that the younger children stayed with us when it got below 30 degrees. So, getting the children out of there before evicting our daughter and her boyfriend is not possible(we have not given up on attempting to gain custody, it just looks too bleak to count on!) That is why we want to get him out. While far from ideal, providing for our own family until the grandchildren are old enough to choose who they live with is one thing, but the freeloading boyfriend tagging along for the benefits, and his negative influence, are what we are trying to stop. Sometimes he disappears for 3 or 4 weeks and our daughter starts to act like her good old self. We are hoping that if we can ban him from our property, keeping him away will stop his destructive influence over her. Since our lease with our daughter expired years ago, the only current agreement we have is with the boyfriend. So technically isn't our daughter just staying at our house due to our good will, and the boyfriend is a tenant? If we evict him, can he be banned from coming back to our property? Does anyone have experience with having to prevent a previous tenant from returning? --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by LisaFL [FL]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 4:27 AM
It seems she is welcoming him to her house. Attempting to control who your adult daughter chooses as her boyfriend isn't likely to work. You view him as the problem when she is just as much of the problem if not more. Sounds like your questions are suited for an eviction attorney.
It seems since your only agreement is with him, he is your tenant. An eviction attorney should be able to advise you.
If he's not your tenant then he could be charged with trespassing but that would likely have to be done by your daughter.
Why not move into your own house with your daughter and charge him with trespassing yourself?
You're trying to control the behavior of your adult daughter and that doesn't work. --173.170.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 4:51 AM
That is actually a good idea. I could move in for awhile. She will probably not be thrilled and it may be a bit crowded, but an added benefit is that I can keep an eye on my grandkids, and they will see that Grandma isn't trying to make them homeless. That may actually work :) --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Chris [CA]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 4:58 AM
What is wrong with this picture?
Chances are that you will only enable your daughter's misbehavior and chances are that she won't put her children first.
As someone who just bailed out a frieend last week, I confess that I made a terrible mistake in doing so. What happened? The guy faileld to service debt with the money I sent him, Instead, he chose to CONSUME most of it. (Assuming you pay someone's rent and learn he chose to go to a bar instead).
Hitting rock bottom is part of life. Want to shield your folks from the necessary consequences? She could work, but chooses not to? (I encountered whole communities of able bodies young people - all on disability. H*ll knows how thay have been faking it, but it sure worked out well for them).
Do you think such a mother will pass on ethical values to her children?
There must be more to the story. And often, tough love is what a person in distress needs - not a sucker to keep supplying cash, no matter what. --46.5.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by myob [GA]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 5:43 AM
I think the response's that are not to your liking are due to this being a LL web site. There is plenty enough problems dealing with Tenant issues so family issues should be covered by some TV show or Dear Abby site. --74.184.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by tryan [MA]) Posted on: May 16, 2017 6:55 AM
FWIW I didn't invent the drug test idea. I am watching a good friend use it on thier son. They booted him from thier house because of pathlogical lying and drug addiction. But they gave him a monthly stipend, CC, phone and car so he wouldn't be on the streets.
Well his poor choices only escalated ... and it was on thier dime. So he was "paid" to pass bi-weekly drug tests. Fail the test and everything is taken away. Given that choice, he choose to get clean.
He's been clean 3 months and is gainfully employed.
Point being, you have more leverage than you may realize. --198.168.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by ME23 [TX]) Posted on: May 17, 2017 11:50 AM
Another thing you could try is to sell the home, but offer your daughter and grandchildren free room and board with utilities at your home, minus the boyfriend of course.
Use any old excuse for selling the rental she is living in.....like you really need to funds to invest in the next big Ponzi scheme *wink *wink.
I think you would have the most control over the situation and could monitor the boyfriend's visits if they were all under your own roof. Just be sure to lock up all of your valuables and expect some of the silverware to go missing at some point. A few nanny cams couldn't hurt either. --66.64.xx.xx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 17, 2017 5:30 PM
Thank you for your "compassionate" input. I reached out to the forum for advice, not your arrogant opinion.
Your response had nothing to do with advice and everything to do with solely being rudely judgmental. It seems the only reason you responded was to be hateful, because there was not a shred of advice only a mean judgmental statement. Do you really need to be hateful so badly that you had to kick me while I'm down, just for the sake of saying something mean? I really hope if you are that desperate to be cruel, that you got your thrill from it, because it served no other purpose and was 100% nonconstructive.
However, I will thank you because your ignorant remark DID serve to remind me to be thankful that I have an empathetic heart and am not a mean and rude person, who must make hurtful statements to other people to get any satisfaction out of life. --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 17, 2017 5:52 PM
I really like your ideas. My husband and I have been discussing them and are likely going to implement them in combination with some other good suggestions that have been offered.
Our daughter's lease expired years ago. The only current written agreement is with the boyfriend. Our daughter and grandkids are staying on our property as our guests, according to our attorney. The biggest issue on evicting the freeloader lies in the gray area that may occur when we evict him and she invites him back as her guest. I was hoping that someone had experience with evicting someone and then had success in charging them with trespassing if they return to the property. Although, I think using your ideas combined with some of the other constructive suggestions by other landlords may do the trick. Again, I thank you for actually thinking about my problem and offering thoughtful, constructive suggestions. --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 17, 2017 6:24 PM
Thank you for your compassion and understanding. Your suggestions are good and positive thoughts are appreciated. I'm glad you understand that I cannot justify putting my grandchildren at risk. That is what makes the situation so difficult. I have been providing for the children and they are all aware that what they have comes from me. I also stress to them that they need to study hard so they can get into a good college to qualify for a good job so they won't end up living rest of their lives scraping by like they are now with their mom not working. I let them know how Grandpa and I worked hard to earn the nice things that they see we have. We tell them stories and share memories about how we started out and how we felt satisfaction each time we improved our lives, hoping that it will serve to neutralize the negative impact our daughter's current lifestyle has on them. We also talk about how their mom used to be. They will tell you they want their "old mom" back "like she used to be." They remember all the years she was a great mom. They despise her boyfriend.
As far as your housing suggestion goes,in Missouri, Section 8 or HUD(or any housing program) does not allow benefits if the tenant and landlord are relatives. We checked into it. --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Colin [CO]) Posted on: May 18, 2017 9:12 AM
Carol,best of luck in finding a solution. You may want to condider setting up a living trust with your grandchildren as the beneficiaries. --73.169.x.xx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 18, 2017 10:05 AM
Thank you, Colin! Great suggestion. Definitely an option worth exploring. I will talk to my attorney about it.
no rent from relative (by Barb [MO]) Posted on: May 18, 2017 10:36 AM
Best of luck to you. It is a hard place to be.
I didn't chime in earlier because I didn't have anything new that was constructive and didn't want to be negative.
Do the children have a Guardian Ad Litem? Hopefully I spelled that correctly. A GAL should probably be appointed by the courts to see to their best interest. --131.151.xxx.xxx
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 18, 2017 11:26 AM
No, they do not. I wish they had one(or some kind of advocate), but the Family Law Attorney says they cannot appoint one unless we file for custody and, according to the courts and Family Services, the conditions are not severe enough for us to have a chance of winning, unless the electric AND water get turned off. Last time we tried, it was only the electric that was off(the house is all electric), but it was for almost 3 months(and 20 degrees at night!) and even that wasn't enough for Family services to recommend removing the children from the home!!! If we could get the kids out of there, the rest would sad but manageable. We love our daughter and until the last few years,she has been good, responsible, very close to us, and considerate. As much as it breaks our hearts and makes us fear for her well-being, she is an adult making her own decisions, which lately have been pretty scary ones.
The DFS standards are so pathetically low that it makes it nearly impossible for anyone to help before things become a serious crisis. That is why we are trying to get creative and use the house as leverage, without putting the kids at risk. It is a fence that is extremely difficult to balance on, and falling off would be failing the kids. --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Mike [CO]) Posted on: May 18, 2017 8:58 PM
I agree with turn the property over to a management company temporarly. This takes you out of the drama. You don't want to be the one evicting them.
I suspect drugs. People on drugs are very manipulative. It is easy to be manipulated when it's somebody who you care for, even if they made very bad decisions and drugs are controlling their life.
If you just want the boyfriend out you can evict him without evicting her. I have done this before. I had good tenants, that let their adult kids temporarly move in after their adult kids were evicted from the place where they lived. The adult kids and grandkids would not leave causing problems for the grandparents--my tenants. My tenants asked me to evict them and the adult children, and then let them move back in after the eviction. I spoke with my attorneys and I was able to just put the adult childern on the eviction, and that way I didn't damage the parent's credit. Of course my tenants were working with me, and your daughter may not be, so I don't know how that would change things --172.56.xx.x
no rent from relative (by Carol; Wiseguys, LLC [MO]) Posted on: May 19, 2017 1:29 AM
Thank you, Mike! You're right it is easy to be manipulated when it is someone you love because you want to believe the best in them. It is good to know that you had success in evicting your troublesome tenants without harming your good tenants. Since I originally started this inquiry, I have been talking to a local property management company, trying to negotiate a shorter contract with them than their standard one-year minimum agreement. They are the only one around here(we are very rural) and they are mostly associated with less than desirable landlords and their less than desirable properties, so I do not want my good reputation to be negatively affected by being associated with them for too long.
Again, thank you for sharing your experience. It is most helpful an gives me hope. Carol --99.195.xxx.xx
no rent from relative (by Mike [CO]) Posted on: May 19, 2017 7:29 PM
I am happy I could help. If you are going to the convention look me up.