Hi All,

I need some advice about about working out of the home.

Here is the background. I have over 50 units and make enough income where my wife can stay home and be a full time Mom, to our 1.5 year old child. She does not help, nor do I ask her to help in the business, I like to keep them separated.

I am out in the field about 2 days a week. The rest of the time, I am at home doing work and making calls, looking at properties, etc.. Here is my frustration. Since I am home, my wife is consistently asking me to watch our child, in the middle of the day, and not just for 10 minutes. I understand if she has a DR. appointment, but to be asked to watch, so she can go to Yoga or Workout for 2 hours at a time twice a week, is making me very frustrated and resentful.

I have told her, I need to focus on work. It is very hard for me to re-focus after I am interrupted. I am willing to pay for a babysitter for her to get things done during the day. So far, she claims she says she does not know where to find a babysitter.

1. Is it unreasonable to expect not to be consistently asked to help with the baby during the workday?

2. How can I better communicate I need my, uninterrupted time, to work during the day?

Thanks

Tell her no, you're working. Currently my office is my kitchen table before we move to the new house. (It's horrible.). There are times when my wife is wanting me to do this and that and I have to remind her that there is an invisible wall around the table right now and I'm inside it.

Good luck with getting out of dr's appointments and yoga. Best bet is a sitter or daycare. For those little breaks that your wife needs.

Her family will most likely think your being unreasonable.

Often times family, my wife included, view me being self employed as being "unemployed" to an extent where I can do whatever, whenever. I pretty much can to an extent, but someone has to keep steering the ship.

Having done the "stay at home" mom thing, I can assure you your wife needs the time away. IMHO your being a little self centered. Honestly, how hard would it be for you to schedule 2 hours, 2 days a week to spend time with your child and give your wife a break?

Keep in mind you get out of the house and "your time". You see different people, different places, different things. Your wife is looking at the same walls, same face, same laundry day in and day out.

Get out of the house. When daddys home, kids want to be around dad too- especially if he's the coolest!! If you have money, try a mother's day out program for a couple hours. Lots of exercise places offer babysitting. When my kids were very little, we took advantage of grocery shopping services, and had relatives/friends in need come over and earn extra $$ by cooking and cleaning a few times a month.

These years FLY by, and the toddler years are the busiest as far as how needy they are.

If she stays at home like I have for 16 years, let me fill you in.( With all due respect;)) I also worked as a toddler teacher for two years when my oldest was little. This time is very challenging, tiring and boring. She is to entertain the little one CONSTANTLY, keep up with the needs and wants and temper tantrums, and still try to keep herself sane. Looks like her outlet is exercise. She may have some exercise friends that she goes with, etc but that time is important to her. She also may think that no one can take care of the little one like the both of you do. I don't know if you are like most, but most dads get their me time whenever they want it because the moms usually are taking on the kids. Just how it goes.

Why not leave the house? Get more productive work done. Or, lock yourself in the office at home and make it known that you aren't to be disturbed during those times.

You're not "watching" your child, as his father, you're raising him. (Pet peeve of mine.)

2 hours twice a week is a small amount of time, and having gone to yoga, I know it is a set class schedule.

I also work from home and yes my SO will interrupt me and it does take time to get back in the zone.

Barbara and Melinda,

Thank you for the female perspective. I truly appreciate it.

Let me add a little more information. I am ready and willing to be available before 8:30 and after 5 PM. Most days I get up with our daughter, feed her and let Mom rest til 8:30, sometimes later. I bath her every night. I don't usually do work on weekends, unless there is an issue and for 30 minutes to an hour on Sunday night to prepare for the week.

I want my wife to go and have child free time, I encourage it. It is just difficult to interrupt my business day. As many landlords know, your schedule can be very unpredictable. It can be slow then all of a sudden you are having fires to put out.

Is it selfish to ask to not give up two hours in the middle of the workday twice a week?

Thanks

I've also been a SAHM. It was QUITE tough.

As BLUE said, don't think of it as watching your child - think of it as doing your part to raise him.

You leave the house regularly. She needs time away as well. My hubby used to call me daily on his lunch time, brown-bagging his lunch, and eat while we spoke over his lunch. It kept me from going nuts.

If you really cannot plan your mutual schedules such that she can be gone for a couple of hours 2 - 3 days a week for her break or activities, then hire someone to come in during that time. Particularly since you will be there most of the time, it will be fairly simple to find someone.

You might look for a child development major or an education major at a local college. Someone who wants some real world experience. :) Or, ask at church if someone is interested in a little bit of extra work. Possibly a recently retired person or another parent.

I can also relate to you on the other hand. I work from home now, and everybody asks me for help because I "stay home". And I have to take care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry for 6, medical appts, getting kids off to school, Research, file, organization,talking with tenants, arranging deals, talking to maintenance, kids homework, taxidriving, bedtime routines, volunteering etc. I am constantly interrupted because I always have a hundred irons in the fire. It's part of life now; but it was an adjustment. No day is the same as another.

You will feel agitated now, but your daughter will be going to school in a year or two. You will be more free but YOU WILL MISS IT.

No one is judging your fathering skills, we are merely stating that it's not just hard for you. Your wife is adjusting too. Go find a sitter, go out with your wife and gently, gently discuss the timing of things. Maybe she can work out after 530 or maybe you can play with your daughter over your lunch break while she goes for a 45 min. Run or something. Takes tweaking a million times, but family is why you both are doing this anyway.

Good luck

gotta chime in here. I stayed at home with our kids and ran my business when time allowed me. While doing this, my wife worked a great job, expanded her network professionally and personally. While this went on, I put everything I had into raising the best kids I could. Professionally and personally my relationships were slightly more than stagnant for years.

It's a challenging and often lonely time. The working spouses are often largely unaware of many of the struggles of the stay at home parent.

The rewards of staying with the kids, as you may know, arrive years down the road. They're worth it.

I've got to close with this: giving 100 units of what you want to give your wife yields less than 1 unit of you giving your spouse what she wants you to give her. The time range of 830-5 to be totally blocked out can be quite restrictive - a lot happens only in that time window. If in your spot, I'd find a way to give her what she's clearly asking for. Being self employed rewards you with schedule flexibility which hopefully will allow you to share the spoils with your wife.

Where i live and what i did was drop in daycare.

Churches also have preschools.

A neighborhood girl would come most anytime i called.

She needs to take responsibility and control of her time and resourses.

Imagine that your daughter is 19 and has moved away for college or is 24, has graduated college, and has moved to NYC for her dream job. If you can imagine that clearly, and then you turned the time back to today, do you think you would rather stick to the 8:30 to 5:00 work schedule that you desire or do you think you would rather figure out a way to spend an extra 6 hours a week alone with your daughter while giving your wife some time to do some things on her own?

Here is my suggestion - forget the 8:30 to 5:00 uninterrupted. IMO, if you stick with that you will regret it later for a lot of different reasons. Agree on a schedule with your wife - on agreed-upon days of the week, you keep your daughter for a couple of hours while your wife goes to yoga class, meets an adult friend for coffee, or does whatever she chooses. Make this quality time with your daughter. If you do this from now until she starts school, I don't think you'll regret it later in life. Instead of hiring a baby-sitter, hire someone to help you in your business so that you have more time free to spend with your daughter and give your wife some time for herself. If you can't or aren't willing to hire someone to help you, then arrange your schedule so you are doing some of your work after your daughter's bedtime. As for spending uninterrupted time with your daughter during the day instead of on your business, I can't think of anything in managing properties that can't wait a couple of hours.

I'm in the same situation. Here's what I suggest...

Rather than random interruptions, you sit with your wife and block a fixed time where you shut down for 2 -3 hours and spend time with your kids to give her a break. You can always work a few hours over to make up. If it's a scheduled time, it may be easier to deal with and plan around. I'll bet it's the interruption of your train of thought that's bothering you, not the actual time spent away from work with your child. Scheduled time you can plan around may be easier to handle. Maybe you could get up with the child and relieve her for those hours, before work, allowing her to sleep late. She'd like that.

Some people need uninterrupted time at work.

Some people don't realize how lucky they are to be able to stay home with kids. I can't blame them, they will look back and hopefully feel good.

Some people can't manage a kid, it is very hard for them while it is very easy for others.

The only thing we know is that you are an active landlord, so it can be presumed you are a problem solver. I have a feeling you will be able to come up with a good solution and I urge you to have as much patience as necessary.

Keep working towards a solution, I'm willing it won't be easy but it will be possible.

I dont think you are unreasonable.

Why should you have to rent office space. If you did then it would not be a problem. Your wife would accept that as working 8 hour days like most people.

I also dont think like the others that only the man should solve the problems.

The stay at home wife should be more than capable and responsible enough to find a part time babysitter.

This is not that difficult.

Most people would agree there are a lot of women out there that work full time and have been morethan able to accomplish this.

You are willing to pay for babysitting and agree for her to be a stay at home mom.

If you took a survey I can bet most women would appreciate it if they could do the same.

You are already lucky enough to be able to work from home. You cant expect to also be always able to take off from work when your wife wants you to.

I can also say based on my same experience, that even if you agree to 2 hours a week. It will never be enough for long.

You could work 9 to 1 and then 3 to 7.

I understand your frustration completely. Fifty units are a big headache. I had ten and it was hard to drop out of work to do other things.

You are feeling responsible for all this and it creates tension and a feeling of having to be alert at all times. You are really the wrong person to have to deal with a child at this time in your life.

Your wife does need a break so she doesn't go crazy from dealing with the child so it's up to you to find a sitter since she does not know how. Call an agency. Have them send over three or four women and let your wife interview them and pick one.

If she can't then ask a relative for assistance with this problem and explain your point of view. It's probably dangerous for the child to have someone who is preoccupied like you are, being responsible for the child's needs. That's how kids get left in cars.

Thank You all for your input. I really appreciate the input.

I think I need to be kind but firm. It is a hard balance between letting me do my job and giving her a break.

Growing up most of my male friends thought they were pulling the heavy weight working and bringing home the money -- the wife was a stay-at-home-mom and nothing could be easier, right? WRONG!!!!!

One Saturday morning I invited my friends with their new born baby (around 4 months old) to breakfast, my treat. I loaded up the wife in the front passenger seat and handed the baby to his father. I took off headed to a nice Westwood eatery, leaving the son and father together for two hours.

When we returned, the husband was completely drained and his daily workouts at the gym were no help. Previously the stay-at-home mom wanted someone for a few hours twice a week to give her some "free time" for herself. Well the husband finally realized that taking care of a child is 10 times more work than a 9 to 5 job or real estate stuff. The husband hired a nanny for 4 days a week, 5 hours a sift -- giving the wife some free time or just time to do things without a baby on the hip for 24 hours a day.

I have a home office and a work office. Though sometimes it feels like our kitchen table IS my office. But at least it allows me to have a semi clean desk at work, so I "appear" to be organized in public. LOL ;-)

As I've said in the past. Buying our office property was one of the best things I've done. It propelled me from just being a small time landlord signing leases at Taco Bell, to being a respected member of the business community. My banker started coming to see ME! A city councilman dropped by the other day just to chat.

My tenants attitude changed. Less schenanigans. They saw us as a business, even though our primary business has changed from RE to security. Having a business location gives you focus and makes you look professional. I recomend it - when it makes financial sense.

Conversly a separate home office is really necessary. I made my first decent money as a photojournalist and then developing photo software. I had the cool beach house and everyone assumed that I didn't really work - because really, how hard can it be to write a magazine article or go take a "snapshot" of a celebrity?

Folks would "drop by" when I was trying to be creative. My Mom was the worst. She'd just barge in and expect me to drop everything and chat or go to lunch. At least after I had a million dollar house and my name in newspapers and magazines she stopped asking when I was going to get a "real job." LOL

I am a part-time stay at home dad and struggled with the same issues you did when mine was toddler aged. It looks like your question has been answered in spades, but I'm going to answer anyway.

Designate work time, and designate home time. Deviate from these as needed, but when at home, home comes first, and when at work, work comes first.

Read about the 5 hour work day, and consider it. The beauty of what we do is that it isn't rocket science. It doesn't need to be 9 to 5:30 monday thru friday. Get up, get to work at 7, wrap at noon and come home. Tell your wife to structure her needs around work (and you can structure work around her needs). Maybe you work noon to 5pm on Monday and Tuesday, then 7a-noon Weds Thurs Fri.

Do your best to find an office that is not at home. If you have 50 units, surely you have a broomcloset somewhere that is unoccupied. You literally need one outlet and Wi-Fi and enough space for a folding chair and a card table. Garage, Laundry room, vacant unit, maint closet, whatever. Get out of the house. They will never stop bothering you at home. Take it from someone that knows.

Finding a babysitter is as easy as getting on care or craigslist or nextdoor and doing a search. I could have a schoolbus load of 17 year olds at your door for $8/hour by tomorrow. Tell your wife to take care of it, or take care of it for her.

This will all blow over in a year or two. Try not to make a mountain out of it. Survive.

This business about how being a stay-at-home-parent being 10x or 100x harder than a "job" is bunk. I was a stay-at-home-parent and I wore sweatpants a lot and went to the zoo and the playground. That's not to say it's not hard - it is. It's hard like managing 50 tenants and 50 properties and trying to track down more properties is hard. You need to respect that being a SAH parent is hard, and she needs to respect the fact that owning 50 freaking properties is hard. Give more than you take.

"This business about how being a stay-at-home-parent being 10x or 100x harder than a "job" is bunk".

I agree. The person who stays at home should be highly respected because they take on a huge responsibility. As Landlords, we deal with teni who simply were not raised well. Their parents messed up.

My question to you is not the baby sitting angle which will work itself out as the baby gets older but WHY in the world is your wife- your partner-- not involved in this. Want to stay together?-- work together. Common goal is no better way. My rental is your rental get her involved. Men you always want to be the boss== never the partner.

It does not sound like you and your wife are partners here. Partners work together to get things done, to reach a goal and to support each other in doing it. As I read your post I don't get that idea.. It seems (from you post) that you don't like to spend time with your child... (no where did you say that I love the time I do get to spend with my child, the times I take her to the playground, or show her how to build a castle out of pieces of wood) you also say your wife does not help you in your work. Maybe you each have different goals, but you need to get them to mesh. In fact from the different posts you make here, I get the idea you are trying to be the boss here, and maybe that makes your wife need to try to exert some power in a way she can - by doing this?

Schedule your times, the beauty of working for yourself, is that you can schedule your time, not your boss. I can't imagine everything has to be done in your daytime schedule. Book work, contacting tenants, all might be better done 'off hours'. What can your wife do to help you? Maybe she needs a job. Something that shows results sooner than 18 years! Can she make phone calls, log rents, run errands? If there is nothing, maybe she needs a part time job elsewhere. You also mentioned sometimes there are fires you need to put out, well doesn't that interrupt your "schedule"?

If your wife needs a couple of hours to go to yoga, schedule your work around that time, and spend it being engaged with your daughter, not watching her. Maybe you need to do something other than work as well.

I am a firm believer in daycare (at least part time) for children over a year. It gives them a schedule, gets them some socialization, learning rules and helps them understand what will be expected of them... especially for only children. Especially a professional daycare where the kids are engaged in planned activities.

I was going to not reply anymore, but thought I would after Linda's post.

I think some of you read my post while others some it. I have no problem spending time with our daughter. I feed her in the morning and put her to bed every night. It goes without saying we play together and do things. Even during the day. To say I don't like being around her because I did not say I loved doing things with her is an insult. I left that out to try and make the post shorter and easier to read.

I have no problem with the 15 to 20 minutez interruptions. It is the mid day 2 hour middle of the day interruption that is the issue. I have had a few times where tenants had pian important issue and having a child in the background made it that much more difficult. There is a reason why employers don't want a child in the workplace, it is too distracting.

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As for my wife not being involved in the business. That is by design and agreement. Her main responsibility is being a Mom not my business partner. I think she would be great at this job, just not the right time. I heard one landlord say he married his wife because he loved, not because he needed a business partner.

I appreciate the advice.

Be patient with us Frustrated please. We don't have the ability to get immediate clarification from you, or your wifes perspective, so we are only able to respond on the basis of our understanding of the situation from what we are reading.

I think that working from home and doing so effectively is a big challenge that many people underestimate.

It sounds to me like the floorplan of the house you live in is too open to eliminate background noise.

There is always more to the story than we get on here. I too, work from home. Our daughter lives out of state (lives on her own) BUT my wife (who does help out at my office a few times a week) also babysits our twin nephews (now 3 YO) and has since they were born for one day a week. Granted, she babysits them typically at their house not ours HOWEVER:

A few times she will either bring them to our house (typically when our daughter is home) and/or will take on another day or time. Unless I know they are coming and I can plan on it - I do TRY to be there (especially since they are twins - they are QUITE the handful) but there are times that I need to leave for an appointment or a "problem". I sometimes get that look from my wife like "please come back soon" but she also knows that if I don't work - I don't get paid (one of the benefits of being self-employed). I also feel guilty for leaving (sometimes) - because I don't want to leave the boys (I seem to never get enough of them), my wife may be having a particular "rough day" with them (if they are just full of it) or whatever. No matter what though - I weigh the situation - DO I NEED TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW (was it a "planned meeting/situation" vs a tenant called and said something needs to be fixed and IS IT AN EMERGENCY).

I know this isn't the same situation as you have but it's actually a bit in reverse: where my Nephews leave after the few hours or a day in our house your daughter actually stays there.

I understand the "work hours" thing so if you are really a "9-5" guy and do NOTHING else off hours (after 5, weekends, etc) then either get an office or try to figure something out.

If you actually do work after 5 and/or on weekends (I certainly know that I do) then either "scheduling" time in your calendar 2x a week for a few hours each time is not really a "big deal". Treat it just as though you would any other appointment. It's an appointment on your calendar. If an emergency comes up during that timeframe then deal with it like you would any other time you are at another appointment/meeting, etc.

When I am on vacation and I fly - I don't have my phone (or any other means of communication) for a few hours - never fails that someone seems to have an "emergency" during that time. What happens? NOTHING - I retrieve my messages when I get off the plane and deal with it then.

I really think you need to take a step back, relax a bit and just think about the fact that things will not fall apart if you aren't working between those hours everyday M-F.

I do understand where you are coming from and I hear myself (in my head) saying "but if I had a job that I worked for a company there is NO WAY that she could do this and she would figure it out). You are right - BUT YOU DON'T! You have the job that ALLOWS you to be able to "take a break" a few times during the week for a few hours and let your wife "enjoy" herself "alone" while you "enjoy yourself" with your daughter.

Good luck-

Well howdy do!

Ok, so as a fellow stay-at-home / work-from-home Dad with a "real" job (heh, whatever that means), I can empathize. My wife is a stay-at-home mom who doesn't work outside the home other than a few hours a week teaching Martial Arts lessons. Been doing this for 4 years now, mostly successfully.

I do have to remind her at times that I am "at work". It's tempting for her to just pop into my office and start talking about family stuff, and sometimes I encourage it by not taking a firm stance on work time vs. hubby time. That's my fault. It'd be just like if she were calling me at the office...can't answer the phone now, sweetie, I'm at work. It'll have to wait until I get "home." Same deal with the home office. Sisco is right: it's a challenge most folks underestimate, but the rewards are great. I love being home to eat lunch with my wife and the kids when they're off school. Precious moments! The commute (20 seconds to downstairs) rocks too!

Our kids are older now (10, 10, and 6), but when they were younger she definitely needed some time away. I was still in a "real" office building at that time, so we had to get creative.

I'm not going to go maternal and lecture on whether you love your kids or not... I'm assuming you do. And I'm assuming you love your wife and want this to work.

The bottom line is this: gotta make some compromises for this thing to work, or it's not gonna work. Maybe the compromise means she gets 2 trips per week out side the home no questions asked, and in exchange when you are home working there is an invisible barrier that no one crosses except for emergency. The dryer won't work isn't an emergency. Kid is throwing up might be, depending on what else is going on. My wife and I sat down and had what we call a "boundaries and expectations" meeting. Similar to how we handle tenant "emergency" repair requests. Most home "emergencies" are not emergencies and can wait until off work hours. Again, it's the convenience factor (oh, I'll just talk to hubby since he's 10 feet away). Gotta define what is an acceptable topic to interrupt you with. Maybe that include a few hours outside the house per week where you shift your workload around. Takes work...takes practice...takes patience. Keep working on it. You can do this!

Misery or divorce are the only other two options, and quite frankly I think they both suck.

Frustrated--I hear you! I'm surprised that anyone read into your post that you don't enjoy being a dad... I certainly understand where you are coming from. While I enjoy time with my kids, after a busy family weekend, I look forward to coming into my office and sitting in my office--ALONE! And I don't feel bad about that. Not one bit.

I have a full time job, albeit one with good flexibility, and seven rental units. My wife also works full time, with regular hours and very little flexibility. She has NO involvement in the rental business. Her personality is just not a good match for it.

It took a couple years of showing my wife how the rentals make money before she began to support me in wanting to grow the business. She now sees it and doesn't question my decisions about buying, selling, and spending money (or not) on repairs and capex.

That said--when I need to take evening or weekend time to show a rental, meet a contractor, or do some work on one of the rentals, it sometimes feels like I'm asking for a hall pass to go do something frivolous with the guys... Reality is that the rentals are for the benefit of our family--saving for college and retirement, extra cash now, and building something for later in life.

I agree with the recommendation to consider getting yourself an office. Landlords don't need anything fancy--small office in a cheap office building would work great for you. That way you are physically going to work when you go to work. If your primary role during the work day is to financially support your family, and your wife's primary roll during the work day is to watch your child (watching your child is part of raising your child, I don't see the negative connotation here that others do), then you need to set yourself up to fulfill your role. Based on what you've written, I would expect your wife to make arrangements for help when she wants to do yoga or schedule an appointment during the workday. Yoga is available early morning and in the evening too!!!

There was no insult intended. We can only infer from your words here, not your tone, not your body language. We can't ask a question and get an answer and we don't hear your wife's side of the story. You don't know our history with these problems either, which sometimes influences our reply. And yes we all try to keep the story short. My point and MYOBs too is you need to find a way to work it out, and a line in the sand is not going to do it. You need to find the compromise that works for all three of you. Maybe you need an office, maybe you need a helper for the rentals, or the home. Maybe she needs some time home alone, or something that gets her out on a regular basis. You need to talk with her, listen to her and have her listen to you.

There are reasons I think daycare is important for kids, but I also think it is important for adults and the ability to do something without the kids, which seems like you want big blocks of time for, but is she getting her time?

I still don't see a problem with her scheduling 2 hours, 2x a week to go out and you can't put that in your schedule too. You schedule in other meetings. You can work another hour earlier or later to make up for that time. People are much more accepting of kids coming along too. My father had a family business and rentals, both of which I learned a lot from going along. My daughter came with me many times while I painted or raked leaves.

Honestly though, I don't get the feeling that you have "daddy and me" time with your child, you enjoy a special ritual with just the two of you.. - you take the feeding and bathing so she can have time. I am not saying you don't enjoy this time, but that isn't what I sense. When my child was young, my husband wanted to do the bath time, he would rarely give it up because that was his special time with his daughter, and she missed it if he didn't. He didn't do it for me. Although I did appreciate the alone time.

Just take some time to look in the mirror, sometimes we don't like what we see and it hurts to be confronted with it. We get defensive as we see it. again I can only go on what my gut says with your words and I could be way off. But you asked for opinions and not all of these agree with what you are looking for. But it is something to think about. Counseling, or a neutral third party that can hear both sides may be the best thing you can do.

Female, here. (Full disclosure: child free). You ask:

Q: Is it unreasonable to expect not to be consistently asked to help with the baby during the workday?

A: Yes, I'm afraid it is unreasonable because you are at home. You are physically present. And the child is yours. And the person asking is your wife.

Q: How can I better communicate I need my, uninterrupted time, to work during the day?

A: You can't communicate it any better. She's heard you, loud and clear.

Your wife is being selfish and disrespectful, **without fully realizing she is**. She also needs alone time, and time away from the kids, so she "forgets" that you are at work because her emotional needs are overwhelming. So she stops respecting the fact that you are at work, earning a living for the whole family. She's only human, after all. She doesn't mean to disrespect you, and she doesn't mean to be selfish.

The comment in your post that bothers me the most is that your wife says she can't find a babysitter. Of course she can. She just hasn't looked hard enough. I think what you two really need is a part-time nanny. Stop thinking babysitter and start thinking nanny. Could be a real win-win for everybody - including your toddler. She could learn a lot from a caring and attentive nanny.

My response is probably going to ruffle the feathers of some people, but I think some things need to be said.

First, lets recap:

Guy owns 50 plus units and makes enough to where his wife does not work. He does not have his wife help in business, so she concentrate on being a Mom. He is fine with the occasional interruption for 15 20 minutes, his beef is when the middle of the day is interrupted, FOR TWO HOURS, so that his wife can go to a workout class. I hear no complaint about dealing with emergencies,during the day or agreeing to watch with their daughter outside of business hours. He is even willing to have a babysitter come in during the day.

So, somehow, this is unreasonable. What crime has this guy committed, he wants to be able to work during the day and not be expected to interrupt HIS WORK DAY with nonessential. Is he out at the bar? No. Is he asking to go golfing? No. Is he some bum sitting on the coach all day? NO. His crime is wanting to work and provide for the family. This business is not rocket science however it does require attention to do a good job.

I have a similar situation and can relate. It gets hard being expected to drop what I am doing to, just because I am there and it is easy for the other person. There is a fine line between being helpful and being an enabler. I don't mind helping out in a jam, but when I am the first and only call almost every time there is a minor issue or want, wears on you after a while.

For the people saying the guy is selfish and/or he is not an caring Dad is nothing short of shameful. This is directed at you Linda, unless you have direct knowledge of the situation, keep your attempts at shame to yourself. The guy needs advice, not condemnation.

My advice is simple, wait til you are not upset about the situation and sit down and talk to your wife. Explain your side, without trying to accuse her of anything. Find out what she needs from you. Ask if she would like you to get an office outside the home, then do it, if she says yes. May I also suggest asking if she can take the exercise classes at the end of the work day, lets say 3 PM. This gives you enough time to have uninterrupted work and gives her the much needed alone time she needs. You both win.

Good Luck,

Tim

I have the same frustrations being self employed, some people seem to think it means I can do whatever they need me to do any time of the day.

Some of us are good at dealing with distractions and getting back to work, I'm not. So I do keep pretty regular hours.

At 50 units you need to rent some office space, you have a sizeable business and it needs to be treated to a bit more than a kitchen table. Going to an actual place of work also cuts down on the distractions.

Obviously you struck a chord for many here. I was a SAHM - my hubby worked a stressful job that often had him gone for 12 hours of the day. When he had days off, I did not expect him to drop everything (repairs, yardwork, the rare nap) so that I could go exercise or get to be alone. I found my own ways to accomplish my goals of alone time and exercise. (I also solely managed our small rental holdings and still do.)

I once walked about 50 times around our cul-de-sac while my toddler pedaled a trike and colored with sidewalk chalk. I met other moms at the park for social interaction. I traded off child care with friends and relatives in order to have time for Christmas shopping or just a walk around the lake.

Getting your business out of your house seems to be a great idea with the size of your rental holdings. But also be willing, with your organizational skills, to assist your wife in brainstorming ways for her to get her time when you are not home. She may just not be an ideas person. As others have said, 1/2 day preschools start at around age 3 in most areas. She just needs to get a little creative for the next 1.5 years (unless #2 comes along...).

But do be sure to give your little girl some concentrated daddy time - there is nothing quite like the relationship between a little girl and her dad. Our "little girl" is 27, and still loves to hang out with dad and talk about car repair (really!), sailing, photography, spiritual matters, and just laugh with him.

Happy wife...happy life, Give her the space that she needs

As Ray-N-Pa said, happy wife happy life.

I can relate. I manage 70+ units, have a w2 job(work from home), do most electric/plumbing myself.. wife doesn't get involved in the biz, other than occasional sounding off ideas.

My rentals are an hour drive away, so I have moved my office to my car with pocket wifi, I do my w2 job and rental at the same time.. It sucks, but it is life.

I didn't read all the responses. My situation - my kids are grown and have been gone for many years. I was a single mother who was selfemployed for the majority of all their lives ... before the youngest was born.

It sounds to me like this is totally a relationship/ noncommunication issue ...

do you really work 8 - 5 or whatever? why not have a few hours a week prescheduled so that she can go out and you work evenings that day ... that is my response for what seems to be your situation.