I worked my tail off with 3-4 helpers to turn over 7 apartments (including passing 4 section8 inspections) for June 1. Still tying some loose ends, while trying to get the virtual assistance going, while collecting/recording rents received, while preparing 7 move-out statements, while working on my w2 job...... Wife didn't care about a thing of all these.

I brought wife out for dinner 4 nights of last 7 days. Last night, I could barely keep myself awake at the restaurant after some wine (just exhausted after all these running around during the day). She was upset.

I love my wife and my family. She is complaining that she doesn't see me when she needs me the most. (I left the house around 6AM and got back around dinner time 5-6PM). I am type A person and don't like to have unfinished business. I have a handyman and 2 other laborers, still need a handy guy who can do plumbing and electrical work.

If all these efforts amount for an unhappy wife and rebellious teen daughter and non stop sibling bickering.. What is all this for? Wife wants to travel the world, NOW! to escape from the reality while I have a W2 job and real estate that ties me down (pays the bill)

Everything is meaningless.. (Ecclesiastes 1)

It's too late for this year, but bring your wife to a Mr. Landlord Convention. She doesn't have to attend all sessions, lots of the wives and Sos don't, but just a few will open her eyes and fire her up and make her see what you are working towards.

Also consider the Boot Camp in Orlando in July, which is much sooner. Again, she doesn't have to go all day but the morning sessions with Jeffrey will give her a real taste of the excitement. The rest of the day she can lounge at the pool if she wants!

My husband and I work this business as a team. I'm the paperwork person and he's the rehab/refurb person (although I help with those where I can.)

You need to press pause with your projects and spend some uninterrupted time with your wife.

I may get flamed here, but so be it. I feel that as a woman and a wife, I can say this.

Your wife needs to read and heed Proverbs 31. She needs to be productive in her own right.

In my 40s, my husband and I adopted a little boy who turned out to have severe cognitive and behavioral special needs. By the time we was 5 years old, he was being kicked out day cares and before and after school programs, and being suspended from 1st grade. I finally quit my M-F, no holidays, no weekends "dream" nursing job to work 2 -12 hour shifts every Saturday and Sunday. I cared for the kids during the week while my husband worked at his job; he took the kids on the weekend. It was the only way our family could survive. We did this for YEARS.

I would get depressed after the kids left for school in the mornings. I had lost income, my work friends and I was lonely. All I had to look forward to was a day of drudgery at home doing housework. I started reading Proverbs 31 EVERY MORNING. I let it soak into my soul. It helped. It presents a woman who puts her family above herself. It changed me in very profound ways in the last 20 years. Verse 16 came true when we bought our retirement farm. Verse 23 came true when my husband was elected precinct committee man in our local Republican Party.

I don't know how you can get your wife to read Proverbs 31, to be your help meet on the home front. (so, instead of you taking her out to dinner after a hard day of work, she brings you a picnic lunch at the work site) But that, in my opinion, is the true solution. The kids will fall into line once this is corrected.

Without knowing you and your wife, this is just a guess, but I am going to guess that you and she have not sat down together to really talk about your life goals and how you can help each other meet the ones that are important to each of you. Both of you are in tough situations right now. You are working very hard to make money. It sounds like she is in charge of the family relationships. I can tell you from experience that having rebellious teens is a huge, draining challenge. These can be very challenging times.

Ask yourself how you can be kinder and more supportive to your wife. Ask her if she can be kinder and more supportive to you. Try to see the best in her and help her see the best in you.

Sisco and CDM nailed it. You have a vision and a plan that meets YOUR needs, but clearly is not meeting your WIFE'S needs.

The two of you need to have several long conversations. Maybe take a weekend away. Talk about your goals. Talk about her goals. Realize that you (yes, YOU) may need to give up some of your desires in order to meet her needs.

I see several huge red flags waving a warning at you. Your wife needs you; your kids need you. You think your efforts are meaningless? Try being financially independent with nobody left in your life.

Life is short.

How many rentals do you really need? I fly against most people here. I'm of the philosophy that less IS MORE.

Fewer rentals will give you more time. Possibly a similar amount of cash flow depending upon your circumstance.

Do you really need all those rentals and a full time job plus a another full time job of being a father? There are so many hours in the day.

Elliot, if you find what you need from the answers to your post, don't be afraid to send a link to your wife to read.

Oftentimes, I post things on here that are half real estate, half personal life.

Disclaimer: Blind leading the blind here, but maybe I can help you get started on a solution.

There are many factors that are contributing to your situation. You have only shared part of the story. You are part of the problem. Your wife is part of the problem.

How many kids? Ages? Does your wife work outside the home? If your wife does not work, what does she do all day?

You have a day job and also do rentals on the side. You are very busy with all this and work very hard. You are a smart person. You understand the value of hard work now so that you can have wealth later, and so you do not need to work so hard later in life.

"One definition of maturity is learning to delay pleasure. Children do what feels good; adults devise a plan and follow it." Dave Ramsey

I suggest 2 things:

1) find a way to "put this in a box" or fence/control it, in a way that it does not jeopardize your business. For example: maybe you can spend the weekends with her, which will keep her satisfied. Maybe you can travel 4 times a year. In the meantime, you run your business. You may need to scale back your business to make this work, and/or you may need to engage a management company. The goal is to find the sweet spot that works for your life right now.

2) find a way to get more engagement out of her. This will be hard. This may simply mean that she is more understanding of what you are doing, or more patient, or more helpful with the kids, or does more chores around the house. I suggest attending Financial Peace University. It is a wonderful class that helps bring spouses together and gives them some shared goals.

The key is to find some common goals that you are both striving towards.

YOU are in a unique position because (I think) you have the mental willpower and awareness to adapt and change your situation to make it work for you and your family. It is VERY important to realize that MOST people are not able to do this. They simply go through life, one day at a time, and react to whatever happens. They do not plan, they do not change, they wonder why their life is so hard, they wonder why they are broke, etc. YOU have the ability and potential to make changes here, so get going.

Elliot, we have struggles like this too in our house, so you're not alone in this regard.

The seven principals for making marriage work is a great read and if you can get your spouse to read it together, you'll get more milage out of that than going to marriage counseling. Even if she doesn't, it will help you. My wife's copy has been collecting dust since it arrived more than a year ago. I'd bet 90% of our problems would be fixed if we worked on reading the book together.

Another thought, is give your wife what she wants you to give to her. Big difference between giving her something you think she wants or giving something you want to give her, vs. Giving her what she wants you to give her. Worlds apart. Giving her 1 unit of what she wants from you is better than 100 units of what you want to give her.

This business is lonely sometimes, and even more so when there trouble at home.

Maybe you can agree that certain days you'll work outside of the home extra and others, you'll turn off everything work related and be home at 4pm.

I've conceded heavily into my wife's travel wishes. I don't enjoy travel much. She wants to travel a ton.

One more thing: In January, Jeffrey and Dot hold a Landlord Retreat. This coming year it is again in Mexico at a Marriott Resort.

The retreats are more relaxed, more time to sightsee and lounge by the pool, with (if you want) a built-in set of like-minded acquaintances to hang out with.

This is definitely set up for couples, although being a couple is not necessary. And again, not all spouses attend the morning meetings, they enjoy the hotel amenities or go shopping or whatever.

My guess is :

Your busting your ars, trying to please your Wife

through your good/hard works.

Instead of her being proud of you and being a team player,

she, along with your Daughter, are making your life

miserable.

Your pretty much banging your head against the wall and it is only a matter of time before you hurt the wall or your head.

In short and in reality, you Sir are with the wrong woman.

The thrill is gone for her and you will never make her happy.

If I were a Gambling Man:

I bet you do not smoke,drink,take drugs or fool around.

Your a hard worker and a money wise kind of guy.

Stick to your hobbies and do not let her suck all of the

life out of you.

Tell her to get a job and a life.

She probably can't hook up a garden hose.

Elliot, how soon could you step away from the w2 job?

It would be great if you could make that your biggest issue to conquer.

The thing about commenting here is we only read your side, so it is easy to say she is not helping, she doesn't appreciate. But there is always two sides to a story.

One thing I learned early in life, moderation is best. Don't spend so much that I have to earn so much, don't work so hard I can't enjoy some simple things. The most important things in my life is my family and my health.

That doesn't mean I didn't put in some long days working the regular job and getting a unit ready for rent, I was out in the middle of the worst cold to thaw a pipe etc. But it was short term. I never had more rentals than I could handle. Although my husband wasn't interested in the rentals, he would occasionally help in the areas he did well, and I understood that. We were both there for our kids, sometimes one filling in for the other, but pretty much both of us.

Mark, my kids are under 5 as well. One fun thing my wife and I do with the flips is like a random raffle of fun items.

We have an ongoing wish list of things we both want. Either family things, things she wants, things I want. Fun stuff that we normally wouldn't buy.

Then all the "things" go on a piece of paper and into a hat to be drawn out. 1 piece of paper is picked.

If she has 4 items and I have 5, she picks one of mine randomly to discard, so the odds are even.

Then whichever card is drawn, we do. No question.

That keeps it fun.

Make her part of your business and take the kids with

you on some of the jobs at the rentals, give them a

job to do, pay them, make it fun for them and quality

time with you.

My ex started a business and excluded me. Worked

from sun up to past 10 pm at night. He was a workaholic.

It wasn't long before I became an angry, lonely, nagging wife that drove him further away. Then we reached the point of no return because he was not willing to slow down his work or include me in it.

I gave up. Then the horses, cats and I moved out one day while he was at work. He came home to an empty home.

Maybe it is time to sell some of the rentals and

make time for the wife and kids. Kids are only little once

don't pass up the chance to be with them.

Thanks for all the heart warming posts..

In one hour, we are supposed to go to church together. Wife hasn't been attending as regularly as the rest of family (4 kids). Not to blame her, when she is not happy, she can't function as a normal person.

I love the reference to Proverbs 31.. I am not going to mention that though, cos she would remind me that I always use bible to... I will look for ripe opportunity to study it together.

I am lucky to have my wife who is the master mind behind all the real estate thing we started 10years ago. One day, we drove to Providence, knowing nobody, a rookie agent showed us around, wife liked a 3 family, put an offer in on that day, that started our journey. She was there when we had to strip out the old carpet, learned to put down the 1st laminate floor, she was there with kids when we painted the apt at the beginning. She would clean one room and leave kids in there to play while we paint and clean the remaining ones.

The first couple purchases she was the one who made final purchase decisions. Slowly she let me do it and became hands free. When we are good, she listens to my RE stuff all the time, cos that is the only thing I like to talk about. That is one of the problems I don't know how to solve. I am an Engineer, like to solve problems and in other words, fairly boring person in life.

She is alumna with the current Demo nominee, went to Babson for MBA. So she is very intelligent. She quit her job around the time our 3rd one was born and didn't work since then. In a way, the boredom sets in, plus she has depression and mood issue like many of us have.

I just learned to love and care for the family couple years ago (late late bloomer). Before that, I was this mindless guy. That didn't help. Wife's dream is to travel the world, with me. She wants to feel loved, feel beautiful. She likes the current fashion, while I am fairly old fashioned(conservative?) when it comes to that..

We both were baptised many years ago, so traveling world is a good thing to do, but in the back of my mind, that is not my main dream. When our youngest 8 year old becomes self sufficient, we have the means to travel the world and I can quit my W2 job (the pay and the benefits are just too good to quit now)

She used to love gardening and I built couple raised garden for her. Now they are just abandoned and full of weeds. We talked about goals and dreams, she just wants to escape (again, after came back from a 4 weeks vacation not too long ago). Its almost like a disease that a person cannot stay in one place for too long. She would feel guilty sometimes when she thought she would be happy with this dream house we built 5 years ago. Now, she feels that she has lost all interest in it and ready to move on.

Sorry for ranting all over the place... writing down helps with the thinking process.. I am glad that I posted and got so many feedbacks and supports. (even though I don't usually post that kind of thing to reciprocate, I am a cut & dry kind of person)

Don't get me wrong, I bring home the same amount of income my pharmacist friend and his pharmacist wife bring home. After reading Lifeonaire, I even suggested to downsize the units we have to simplify our life. Wife the mastermind, told me that if they are bringing good return, keep them till the opportunity is ripe.

I am also an engineer and she beats me with that fact regularly. As I said, I have let go of the business but that hasn't made her happy. She stopped beating me with that and moved to something else to find fault with me, especially as engineer.

Elliot,

You described my parent's relationship perfectly. My Mother sounds exactly as you described your wife. They've been married over 50 years and I feel my father has wasted his life. She's never happy and he's a beaten man, more like a trained puppy.

Your last post helped shed some light on the situation. The kids are older and don't need her every minute. It sounds like she needs something to be passionate about and the rentals (and the money) are no longer it, yet she doesn't want to lose it. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the mess in a room or a garden that I don't / can't start the project. (yet I can jump right in on a rental because I don't have to live with half of it done) Spend an hour to help her get going on the project.

Maybe the dream house is done, and time to sell, take your profit and buy a fixer upper that she can devote some time and energy to or even a new house to decorate. Maybe she needs a job to get her out of her funk and with people. Spend some time to explore that with her, give her some chores to help you and talk while you do them, give her something to feel she is useful and needed.

You built an empire for 2 and now there is just you. The truth is, we do not stay the same, we age and change and what we once wanted we want no more. Sometimes as a couple we age apart from each other.

My husband and I were a good team. I had the W2 job and he handled the farm, my mother who is 80 with a gradually slipping mind, and our rentals. Then he suddenly died and I had to learn to dance real fast.

Your wife does not sound happy. Maybe she is depressed. Depression causes irritability, sleep disruption, relationship friction, and a loss of interest in things once enjoyed. She quit her job to care for the family, but there comes a time when the kids break free and the parents can become rudderless by not being needed any more.

Whatever, you are experiencing a distance. Do you need more time to be with your wife? Has your life gotten so complex you do not have the time they want? The problem with Real Estate is you cannot just stop one day and sell everything. It takes a lot of time to slow down. I am so glad we stopped buying and paid them all off as now I have a better cash flow with less properties. The problem I have and you may too, is wanting more stuff. A new truck, a new house, a greenhouse. Wanting stuff keeps us in the pit working long hard hours to buy more stuff.

Elliot,

Thank you for your honest post, which reflects the situation for many readers.

I will pray for the two of you.

You are a lucky man that you have seen the problem and heard the warning. Now it's up to you to lead in your home by caring for God's "fragile vessel".

Please do NOT throw Proverbs 31 in her face. That will drive her away for sure.

And yes, schedule marriage counseling NOW. Start by asking your pastor. There is no shame in asking a Godly counselor to help show you the path. It is not admitting failure. It is lifting up the importance of your marriage.

If this were an engineering puzzle you would not hesitate to ask an expert.

She needs something and she may not be able to identify it. Let a trained councelor walk the 2 of you thru the process of coming back together.

Women like security. Leaving your secure job is usually what they fear. Going full time will not give you more peace at home.

Every rental task you mentioned can be done by someone else. If they are not profitable enough to hire help, dump the dogs now.

In this order: God, then Family, then Business.

Oh my, I agree with Brad about mentioning Proverbs 31.

In Silicon Valley, I'm constantly surrounded by engineers, many who could not stay married or even start a relationship due to similar situations of working way too much, buying everything that they think their significant others would or do want, but really not connecting, according to the significant others. I really like all the advice from the posts, and indeed hopefully, the situation will improve with your wife and daughter if you could spend more time with them, get counseling, or really just listen to and connect with your wife and daughter to have them feel supported and loved.

By the way, I was going through a similar situation of working like crazy on a rental property and juggling a job and a hundred other emergencies in the past few weeks. I was forced to go on a short vacation (now!?), and oddly enough, it seemed to improve relations with the person with whom I went. Today, the person actually helped me on some minor repairs at the rental.

Elliott, as I've read your posts, I've found that I have struggled most of my life in much the same ways as your wife.

Lack of contentment and joy, coupled with depression come from a life that is trying to find its identity in people and things. True contentment, joy and an abundant life come only through our Savior and Creator, Jesus Christ.

Two good books that delve deeply into the heart of a man and a woman are: Wild At Heart by John Eldredge and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has greatly increased my understanding of who God made us to be.

Pray together, read the Bible and possibly these books together. It will be awkward at first and she'll probably resist, but stay strong. Show her that a life shared with her is your desire. Prayers for you, your wife and your family.

Prayer without action equals nothing.

The Lord works through "His People".

Elliot. Thanks so much for sharing. Even at the best of times, life has challenges. I have noticed that myself personally. I think sometimes that I have waited my whole life for things to be "perfect" and they never quite get there. I have come to realize recently that things never do get there, that we must learn to be happy with whatever God provides for us today...today is really all we have.

That being said, I also understand that rentals can take lots of focus and lots out of our marriage. At times, I can get burned out and forget the dream. I can understand how your wife could feel that way.

When I start to lose my mojo for real estate, I have found that the best thing to do is for hubby and me to attend a Mr. LL event. We just returned from St. Louis and it was a major energizer. Being around people like Brad 20K and Jeffrey and all the other landlords helped us re-ignite the dream. Like many LLs, although we TRY to delegate as much as we can, we spend many weekends doing SOMETHING on the rentals, and many Friday and Saturday nights cruising Lowes or Home Depot instead of going out on a date.

After a good friend asked me what hubby and I were going on vacation this summer, and I had to admit that we had three rentals turning over soon and that we hadn't planned ANYTHING, I got hubby to agree to going to the Mr LL conference in Puerto Vallarta in January. That:

1) gives us something to look forward to

2) is largely a tax write-off

3) makes us feel OK about taking the time away because we are mixing business with pleasure (mornings are seminars and after lunch we are all on our own to go have fun)

Elliott, it's really not very expensive to attend and it may be worth it for your marriage. Not only would your wife get her "travel" fix, she would also be with you around other LLs. She was with you years ago in the dream. Maybe she just needs a great conference to get her re-energized. That, plus, she may need an anti-depressant. There is nothing wrong with that either.

Elliott. Bless you and your wife. I don't know how long you have been married, but hubby and I are going on 34 years this September. The first 20 years were hard between raising kids and endless to-do lists, but now each year seems to get better and better. If you are in the first twenty, please hang in there. It truly gets better.