I don't know anything about NC, but I believe that the following is true:
1. If you have a lease, oral or written, and both parties have begun to perform on it, then you cannot simply "tell them verbally and via text message the lease was broken".
You can rescind the agreement (you can't actually do that, but you can declare it to be so, but only the court can rescind the agreement).
You can notify them that they are (in your opinion) in default of the agreement, but only the court can declare a default. Only the court can declare the lease to be forfeit, and you would probably need specific language in your notice to get even that.
I would suggest that you get a (Virginia) lawyer to take care of this for you.
You probably need to follow the law about serving any such notices.
2. "I told them if they wanted to stay rent was due on the 1st". I thought that you told them that the lease was broken.
3. "Can I send them a pay or quit notice now?" You already gave them a notice that the lease was broken. So now, there is no agreement at all between you. On what basis would you send them any kind of demand, such as pay (pay what? no lease, what do they owe you?) or quit.
4. "is my verbal/text message changing date to 1st good?"
Not really. First, you need to make any notice properly served. Then, be careful what notice you give. Further, do you have the right (either before or after dissolving the lease) to change the agreement unilaterally?